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3

Firstly, I think pronouns and character names are some of the things that often stand out less to readers than you might think - they're easy to gloss over, in the same way as the word "said" after dialogue, which usually doesn't need replacing with a different verb. However, sentence variety is important. It's possible that the problem you're seeing is too ...


0

It does seem like a couple too many of pronoun usage, but using them most of the time wouldn't necessarily hurt. Just replace it with other words, such as man, and combine some sentences.


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I think that the description of gore is fine - if presented properly. Tips: Show the villains enjoyment, rather than the actual gore. Maybe try to say something like "The floor, red and slippery, was covered in pieces of flesh. In the centre sat Best Dad, revelling in the glorious display of colours he had created..." (Like @ChrisSunami's answer)Show the ...


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There was a short story I read, in which a single student is in a classroom. A teacher comes in and tries to teach him, then gives up one day. The boy realizes that HE was the one that was supposed to test the teachers, not the other way around. Just add a twist in some part, and you will keep it interesting. Perhaps add in guards that agonize him/her, but ...


0

If you can, describe the scene more. Does a bird caw (or tweet or whatever)? What color is the sky? What noises occur? Give the scene more description and you can just have some dialogue for a couple paragraphs if you want. And it honestly looks fine if you have a character doing something at the beginning of nearly every paragraph. If it really bugs you ...


6

Show, don't tell. I get that it sounds trite and unhelpful given how common the advice is, but in this case it's true. The way you get such a message across is to show it in the context of your narrative rather than having one or more characters act as mouthpieces. Show a male character who is a father and show that they can be as nurturing and loving to ...


1

Agile just focuses on project management by breaking projects into manageable chunks, frequently tracking the progress of the chunks across sprints, and regulating the plan or expectations based on current progress. I'd like to suggest that the same goes for any project, including copy-related projects. Just as a project/program manager would provide ...


2

Sub-question: Are there any examples of similar chapters where the POV character has been captured/ imprisoned that you thought were good/ had interesting elements? In Brandon Sanderson's "Words of Radiance," chapter 66 is almost exclusively written in a prison. The POV is still interesting as it focuses on the mental effects the prison has on the MC, and ...


1

Does there have to be one? And, if there is, does it have to be linked to the murderer, rather than the victim? You initially suggest "lack of evidence", but dismiss this as "too weak". Instead, try building it up to be a stronger 'source of conflict': The protagonist is convinced that the murder is linked to his wife's disappearance, his friends and ...


2

Somewhat embarrassing to end up answering my own question with a frame challenge, but here we go: There was one scene in particular giving me trouble, where I wanted to show both the protagonist's slowly increasing language skills and the circle of friends she'd built up around her before shifting the conversation to something plot-relevant. But the more I ...


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End of Book 1 There's a lot of good reasons to put the character's death at the end of Book 1. Book 1 is long enough that the character can have a character arc and people can get attached to them, but short enough that people won't be overly invested in them and stop reading when they die. An early death can be useful in setting the tone of the story, ...


4

I would do a little eye dialect when the character first speaks: Thash nuyor biznush! (Maybe not quite that dramatic, but maybe.) Then have your other characters react to it, asking the character "sorry? I didn't quite get that?" or echoing what they think they heard. Then, because all of this is tiring for the reader, switch from dialog to narration: ...


3

Glottal stop sounds and vibrations are always picked up easier for me than anything else I find. Maybe a lot of Ks, Vs, Zs, and Ts. Typographically I think font size can go a long way here in conjunction with ellipses "What are you waiting for!" Mr. Incredible barked. "I don't know!...""Something amazing I guess..."


2

Words are less clearly pronounced, because the mouth movements required for clear speech are "lazier". So, if you speak out your character's words with a lazier pronunciation, you can then transcribe them into the text.


2

A situation is as real as the characters take it to be In Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail, there's a scene where Arthur battles "the black knight," who will not let him pass. After each brief bout of fighting, the black knight has had another limb chopped off. The situation of battling with swords is plausible in the setting. The bloody ...


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