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1

The simplest answer would be to try writing it like you're telling it to someone. You could use a "rubber duck" method to test it out: Place a rubber duck (or something similar) next to your computer or wherever you write, pretend it's a person, and try to explain the manuscript to it from your point of view. Make sure to insert your personal reactions/...


2

Is "my" and "me" prohibited? I stood up and began to walk across the room. She turned away at my approach. My urge was to comfort her. Standing up and walking across the room, she turned away from me. Other than that, I'd say buy a book and read the guy.


8

If you are trying to minimize the number of words, it will help a lot if you stick to the old rule, Show, don't tell — Wikipedia (a good rule to follow even if you aren't trying to save words). Telling the reader about something requires words. But showing can be incorporated into the plot. For instance: As the hover-car approached the massive Ministry ...


5

Narrow down. 2000 words is a tight constraint indeed. While you can show something in that limit, you can't show everything that you mentioned in your question. Sci-fiction is famous for having a lot of short stories authors (I think of Asimov, of course, but I'd suggest to take a look at Ted Chiang's "Stories of your life" too). Even then, 2000 words ...


-1

Ray Bradbury and Alice Hoffman.


5

It's not particularly difficult. Tense is a tool feared by too many aspiring writers. What you appear to be asking can be seen in Forrest Gump (film). I am sitting on a bench waiting for a bus (present). Whilst I'm waiting I will relay to anybody who wishes to listen events that led me to this point in my life (still present). My momma was . . . (past). ...


3

In 3rd person limited, which you are writing it, it is perfectly valid to describe what somebody is feeling, like panic, or horror, or anger, or whatever. That includes pain. It seems like you feel restricted to describing actual thoughts and what he knows; but being tortured is not an intellectual exercise, it is a visceral exercise of enduring searing pain,...


0

I would advise a dream like haze of blending reality. Dreams can be influenced by real world stimuli (I once had a dream that I was with Scooby-Doo and the gang and we were trying to solve a mystery that included an odd sound no one could find a source for. When I woke up, it turned out that it was my parent's alarm clock). A much odder phenomena is "...


1

It's a disaster. When you began a sentence with the word 'wordlessly' you identified yourself as an ESOL novice. [Bob] presented his beautiful, shimmering wife to Mary. Mary bowed graciously and outstretched her hands to the esteemed guest. “And you, my Sarah: soother of the seas, queen of the oceans, sweet nurturer, and mother of music . . . How's it ...


1

You have "Mary; who" in one place and "Mary? who" in another. Both are wrong. Use a comma.


0

I would also suggest the spelling change so that the first line is "Lookin' and lookin'..." as that is closer to how the word would be pronounced in a sing-song quality. If the speaker is the villain, you might want to show a quick progression through the first part, and a slower progression for the second part, which the pidgeoned spelling of Looking ...


2

Purely as a reader, I think your second, misspelled version is much better. It's as brief and as precise as possible. It's not unusual for dialogue to be improperly spelled to represent accents or other speech patterns; you are probably familiar with the pattern of writing -ing as -in'.


1

If you want to place particular emphasis on a word in a piece of dialogue, you can use italics: "Looking and looking... in all the wrong places." There is also a convention - though admittedly, mostly in visual novels and roleplays - to put a tilde at the end of a sentence in place of a full stop or exclamation mark, to indicate a more playful or sing-...


2

Usually, that is left for the imagination of the reader. You might want to avoid misspelling on purpose. You can swap the order of the speech and its description. Doing this you can prime the reader to "hear" the dialogue in a different light: He sung the words, dragging out his L's, "Looking and looking... In all the wrong places." Since your second ...


1

I would say Plot Structures are narrative models. They can be used in writing, editing, and critiquing plots. I see no reason for them to be mutually exclusive from each other if the goal is providing a way to think about sequences of events. That means that many plot structures could easily apply to your story. For example, I may realize that I've built up ...


0

The sentence is an awful use of the English language. However, one adverb does not contradict the other. One verb refers to speed whilst the other refers to volume (excess). "Gradually, the politicians greedily increased their pay and benefits." That's not great either.


2

As commonly understood, "gradually" and "greedily" suggest completely opposite paces. "Greedily" implies quickly, or with an urgency to complete the task. It just doesn't go with "gradually", it causes cognitive dissonance.


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