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58

You’re using unequal terms interchangeably. Imagine Alice is Bob’s sister and also does his taxes. The former is a personal relationship and the latter is professional; for most people those belong in distinct hierarchical levels, with family at the top. While referring to Alice, if you kept switching between calling her Bob’s sister or Bob’s accountant, ...


16

For many people "friendship" is subsumed into being "siblings" Different people and different cultures will view this differently, but for most people "sibling" and "friend" are are at odds with each other. This doesn't mean siblings cannot be friends or friendly, but that it is a different type of relationship into which friendship is subsumed. My sister ...


7

The answer you have accepted is incomplete. Take three people: Dan - Captain of a ship. Adele - Communications officer on Dan's ship, and a very good friend of Dan. Bob - Captain of another ship. When Dan and Adele interact, you might want to emphasize their friendship and refer to Adele's friend Dan. When they are on the bridge of the ship working, then ...


5

Sorry, I did not get "pompous" out of the description; nor do I know how one "pompously" approaches a desk without looking comical. You have already had your MC express a thought to the reader. Why not let Alfie just think it? He turned and saw Jenna. “Fuck off.” Such a pompous twit. He turned back to his map and sighed. I’m not even high. I fail to ...


4

It's often clumsy and artificial for a character to make references to their own race in a first-person or limited-third-person narrative, because most people don't often actively think about the color of their own skins, unless some situation forces them to. But you're depicting a situation in which almost anyone would be forced to ponder their own race, so ...


4

Two of the MCs in the novel I'm working on are half-sisters, and also great friends. One is an objective fact, the other is an interpretation of their relationship. As an omniscient narrator, you should stick to the former and let the characters and their actions convince the reader of the latter. In general, if you introduce someone as your friend, people ...


3

English sarcasm is primarily conveyed through tone A great deal of vocal communication is done through tone and body language, rather than the words themselves. These features are generally lost in writing. "Bob, I thought I heard some crying in the well." "Right." Now, when Bob said "Right", did he mean "I don't believe you", "correct", or "thank ...


2

First, drop a line about actor's dark complexion. This would serve as a hint, but not the actual plot twist yet. Second, drop a "bomb" - a clear and unambiguous reveal of actor's race. I understand the complication here is that you have to write it from a limited 3rd person view. Also (I assume) it should happen in a scene when your character is alone in ...


2

I think the elisions work better than the stuttering. Your "Whada hell you doin'?" is good. It's perfectly comprehensible and it gives the clear impression of someone speaking less than usually clearly (especially if the reader comes to expect from the wider context of your writing that the same character, when sober, would ask "What the hell are you doing?")...


1

Maybe describe the way he looks and behaves rather than making it hard for the reader to decifer what he's saying. If we know the character, make him talk in ways he normally wouldn't. Like the swearing and agressive behavior, is it out of character? He could be spitting while leaning in real close. Maybe he forgot what he just said and repeats himself? Or ...


1

I think showing instead of telling can be good because if let's your reader know that you respect their intelligence to put two and two together, but I think telling can also be good if there is no way to show what you're trying to show.


1

Third-person limited narration is telling the story in third person, from one person's point of view. Omniscient narration is telling the story in third person, from a distanced, neutral point of view. Note that with third-person limited, you may still write from multiple character's points of view--but not in the same scene. If you want to tell about ...


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