Hot answers tagged

11

Use the comma. Dash denotes a break in the thought or an definition association. Better yet, use "If you don't, then" to show that the following portion is a causal outcome of the lack of action.


11

The order of words tends to have grammatical restrictions that don't allow for you to change this. Everything else however, especially for a first draft, can/should be changed. The idea behind reading aloud is that by hearings one's words read out loud, one notices what sounds good and what doesn't. For me, it takes a few days before I can see these "...


9

If you like the sentimentalism, do that. It’s not good to let others tell you that you are too much this or too much that in your writing, but what is important is whether what you’ve written is up to your standards and special to you.


8

Anything that makes it sound better. This is never easy and can really only be learned by practice, and playing it by ear. Altering word choices is one technique. Another is altering the word order and sometimes the part of speech, but you have to remember to keep the sense of the passage. Still sometimes if you write They danced all night and were tired ...


4

A Few Thoughts: I'm far from an expert, but here are a few things that come to mind. I struggle with short stories because I go slow, integrating facts in little dribbles throughout the story. But all this info must come in an organic, naturally-feeling way. This is far from exhaustive, and each done well is clever, done poorly is awful (and this is, ...


3

Connection is important Your notion that the two stories don't connect is problematic. I think some kind of connection is important. The two stories need to have enough connections that they can authoritatively answer the question; why are we seeing both stories, and why are they in the same book and not in a book each? It doesn't have to be more than a ...


3

Personally, I believe that it would seem kind of weird in the same story, and if they do not overlap/are completely separate, I would not recommend writing about them in the same book, but here are some options you can do if you want to include them both. Write them as two separate stories and note that they take place in the same world (mention characters ...


3

Death is Drama: Unless you're trying to be funny or ironic, death is drama. A hated rival dying. Your 112-year-old great-grandmother who's been out of it for 40 years dying. A completely unknown stranger dying alone except for a few nurses who don't even know the person's name. So there is little you can do to change the drama. But the story isn't so much ...


2

Consider reading your sentences out loud after you type them. If you feel like you just ran a sprint, it probably needs shortening.


2

Err on the side of brevity. As a rule of thumb, short (but grammatically complete) sentences are preferable to long sentences because they are easier to read. If a sentence can be easily split into two, then you should usually do so. Where this would leave you with a very short sentence or a lack of context, it may be preferable to keep the independent ...


2

Problems detected when reading a text aloud often fall into two categories (see below for some other ways to detect problems): It could be a problem with grammar or spelling or missing words. And the solution is easy; you fix the grammar, the spelling, the missing words. Programs like Word or Grammarly may help with that. If books on grammar aren't available....


2

As others have pointed out, your excerpt doesn't contain any filter words. Since you highlighted "looked", I'm assuming you're worried about the sense filters: see, hear, smell, etc. They're called "filter words" because they filter the reader's experience through the writing rather than allow them to experience the scene themselves. ...


1

If you're referring to the description of the setting itself, I would suggest giving a quick, cursory description of a place that is only going to show up once, that isn't going to be important for the story. As for a place that you know will be the setting for multiple scenes, try giving a detailed description once and update the reader of anything that has ...


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