3

Your examples don’t seem like examples of using metonmy Changing “She flirted with the raunchy snarls of men.” to read “she flirted with the catcalls and wolf whistles” uses metonymy to imply the snarling raunchy men are represented by catcalls or wolf whistles. Your second example “She flirted with degenerate men” might be a metonym if you drop the word men ...


3

If you write with a POV character (e.g. first or third person POV) your descriptions should always be colored by what that character is thinking and feeling. For example, if the character is driving her car through a neighborhood and this is where she grew up and she knows everyone and has memories from many parts of the place, the description will be of one ...


3

Metaphors and personifications are wonderful figures, adding beauty and interest to writing, and often (especially in the case of metaphors) helping to explain the unknown in terms of the known. But as your editor points out here, it is possible to come up with a novel ('creative') metaphor or personification that detracts from rather than adds clarity. And ...


2

There are very few 'rules' in writing. There are conventions. For example, diaries usually use the first-person narrative perspective. Conventions can be broken if you have a good reason to do. In fiction, there is no convention against using figurative language. However, you do need to consider whether an image works. For me this one doesn't because when I ...


2

It's all based on context. If you suddenly introduce figurative language to a passage that is otherwise literal, then it can be jarring. But if the passage already contains figurative language, then using more of the same would be entirely appropriate. I find it difficult to believe that the editor would object to figurative language in its own right. ...


2

I think in your example you are personifying the 'Forest' because The forest thought that these branches could be good for hanging myself (suicide). the forest is thinking. And, the thoughts the forest is thinking The forest thought that these branches could be good for hanging myself (suicide). are clumsily expressing the forest's idea. You can ...


2

The specific use of "fall to" is not at all the same as "fall on". In fact I would read it to mean that Avalon lost (fell) to whoever "these lands" is. Try Avalon rained down on X. Death and blood poured from the sky. "Rained down on" is a clearer metaphor for suddenly and overwhelmingly entering a place and having a ...


1

I've typically heard the word "malaproper" or "malapropism" are the correct word to use for a misuse of a metaphor or other type of sentence (simile, allegory), though I may be wrong.


1

I agree with others that alliteration is a tool, but I'd also think about whether alliteration can serve other purposes. This is a technique that's common in Roman poetry: using the sounds of what's being described as onomatopoeic alliteration. She cut the cucumber on the cutting board. This imitates the sound of the chopping of the knife. Bill stared at ...


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