New answers tagged emotions
4
Beta-readers are great for identifying areas in our writing like this. What you have been told is this section does not feel finished or polished. However, there is an implied prescription of what you need to do to fix it. That bit I would suggest disregarding.
My first step would be to review the passage and see where I need to edit and work on it. Maybe I ...
1
There is a myriad of different ways your sergeant could be feeling and acting regarding his subordinate.
He could value his former sweetheart's happiness, and thus be protective of her husband, for her sake. Both Karl May's character Winnetou and the Star Trek Jean-Luc Picard have this in their backstories. That doesn't necessarily mean that he isn't ...
4
Passive-Aggressive Behavior
Implement passive-aggressive actions that are apparent to the reader, yet unnoticed by the other characters in the story. It will be assumed that direct provocation may result in anger, yet the resentful character may never be pulled to action.
After recognizing the passive-aggressive behavior, the reader can make assumptions on ...
4
Two words: Severus Snape.
Snape's backstory is pretty similar to your sergeant's: James Potter, who bullied Snape at school, married Lily, the woman Snape loved. Snape consequently detests James, and this manifests in his hatred of James' son Harry, who looks just like James.
But I can only think of two occasions in the entire seven-book series where ...
-1
The sergeant could be unfair towards the other character while being in denial about it or without even realizing it. One example that comes to mind about this kind of behavior is Birdbox.
MAJOR SPOILER BELOW
5
You write slow. It is fine to put yourself into the character and see how you would react, but take your time describing that. Get into the details.
This isn't a "real time" exercise, the length of the writing does not have to reflect the length of the action. The only time that is true is during dialogue, people know that sentences take a certain amount of ...
7
Panic and dire situations do not necessarily make time seem to flow faster.
People frequently talk about adrenaline making time seem to slow down, and it's not a bad idea to let your writing reflect that. I once got hit by a car in the crosswalk (Spoiler alert, it was going slowly, stopped almost as soon as it hit me, and I was not permanently injured). ...
14
I've noticed something about many books and movies. Just as two characters are getting into a deep conversation, either sharing something important or showing emotion or leaning forward slowly to kiss, a random passerby will walk right between them. It totally throws them off and - you would think - breaks things up. But instead, it actually heightens the ...
1
There are several challenges that I see in order to make a story of this sort work for me.
First, other people would need to be brought into the struggle. There's only so much internal angsting I can take before I just plain get frustrated or bored with it. Each new person encountered brings a new flavor, a new problem, a new hope, a new fear. And each ...
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