This post is surely going to be full of errors and mistakes since I'm writing it from my bleeding doubt; and this isn't just rherotical. I'm aware that the title itself couldn't hold more than two minutes before any of you. As I said, my fears have taken my hands and my mind right now.

I'm going to try to summarize and write a short post. I'm sure no one wants to spend more than two minutes reading amateur doubts. I think a lot, or maybe thinking means a lot to me. And, mainly, I think about art questions and art philosophy. I was educated in this way I now abhor, rationalitising everything so I can make living things thinkable, philosophicable, conceptuable. The problem is I feel (geez, there it goes the tragedy) I want to write fiction. And maybe nothing is farther from fiction than philosophy, which thinks that is saying something about the world, which is trying to enlighten the world instead of mainting the mistery where fiction and life dwell. I feel this way, but I am practically unable to write fiction since everything I write feels too philosophical or can be criticised in philosophical categories by me.

I am sorry, this is starting to get long. I am really sorry. I know lots of artists like Artaud, Brecht or Pirandello have an extense work on philosophical questions which gave birth to lots of essays. So I don't get why I shouldn't be able to write fiction if they did both write light and shadow, philosophy and literature. But the doubt stands because I can't get to write something really satisfies me. I'm son to two philosophers, and maybe this shaped too much my way of understanding the world. My question is: is there are any hope I will be able to write fiction? Or am I just lying myself with delusions?

I have to apologize again for the long message and sincerely thank you if you've read it completely. I'm really desperate, I've been always carrying this painful doubt. Thank you again.

Edit and ps: my biggest fear is to become a critic. I have nothing against them, but I feel art is more honest than theory and critiques.