My friend says, it is okay. Not so nice.

Please read and comment. Almost anything is welcome. Also could you say in what am I lacking?

I pulled myself escaping from him. I don't why I did that,but my legs raced down the pavement, until I couldn't catch my breath.

"Hey! Wait' A voice came thrusting my heart to death. It's him "Why are you picking your pace so hard?"

I stopped dead. For a minute, I allowed the silence to pass on, until his words pierced me.'So, it was true'

I licked my dry lips and tried really hard to at-least have a look at him. But my eyes couldn't move from gazing down my bare feet.I noticed one of my nail paint chirped out. Why have you turned to see him? I questioned myself.

"Can't you answer me?" He cupped my cheeks gently and shook me lightly to stop gazing down.I looked at his magical blue eyes and his concerned frown.

"So, It was true' His voice shook me again. Then, I don't recall what made me to kiss him. I closed my eyes and let the world to go back. Then, I noticed myself sobbing and at the same time enjoying kissing him.

'What happened?' He said slowly and I felt his lips retreating back. Harder than my first cry that happened when I saw this world first, I sobbed and cried hard.

'I... I wanna leave now' I finished fast and without hearing anything from him. I walked fast and hailed a taxi.

  • 3
    Hi, and welcome to Writers SE. Stack Exchange is not like other sites. We require clear, practical, answerable questions which have the potential to help others. If you want us to critique a piece of writing, you must ask something specific: "Is this funny? How do I make this shorter? Does the metaphor work?" Simply asking "please review" is insufficient. Please decide on a specific aspect of your writing you need help with and edit your question so the community can help you. Commented Dec 30, 2013 at 11:54
  • Putting this on-hold. Kohila, if you have a specific aspect of this you'd like us to visit (as per our critique guidelines), I'd be happy to reopen.
    – Standback
    Commented Dec 30, 2013 at 12:05
  • Would be really happy if you rephrased this so it could be opened up again, Kohila. I've got some ideas on the writing, and I'd like to share
    – KaiGuyMBK
    Commented Apr 5, 2019 at 13:57

1 Answer 1


Your writing Look very good but i suggest to put some paragraph it Look like much better. here i put some writing points that helps you much better.

  • Paragraphs help to break up large chunks of text and makes the content easier for readers to digest.

  • A paragraph should be composed of sentences that develop one main idea. It must have a topic sentence that states the main idea and supporting sentences which explain, prove, illustrate, or add details to the main idea.

  • Any sentence that does not develop the main idea should be taken out, to give your paragraph strength and purpose.

  • 3
    It looks like text in this answer is copy-pasted from this page and this page. Quoting text from elsewhere is fine, but please be aware that text taken from elsewhere must be attributed. Commented Dec 30, 2013 at 23:00

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