I'm writing a short story. I decided to opening it in the following way:
We were in Y, doing Z when she mentioned X. I wasn't sure whether she had misheard X's name or had gotten the wrong place...(and so on).
Here is the original text:
We were in the hotel room, sipping a cheap Italian wine when Limei brought the subject. I wasn't sure whether she had misheard its name or had gotten the wrong mountain. Of all the times I'd come to Yangmingshan, I'd never heard about the existence of such a mystical object. It sounded to me like something she had taken from an ancient Chinese tale, or a bad marijuana trip. Surely, not something that belonged to this world.
"The Flying Stone?" I asked, frowning at her.
Limei gave a single, quick nod. Her own little way of confirming something.
I thought about it one more time, but reached the same conclusion: "I'm pretty sure there isn't anything like that in the mountain. Are you sure you heard right?"
"Yes," Limei said, "I'm very sure."
I stared at her in silence for a moment. An owl started hooting at the distance.
"It's right up in the mountain," she continued, "we just have to go to the hiking trail number six, and follow it all the way until the end. The Flying Stone should be resting on top of a nearby cliff."
"Hey, wait a minute, how come you're so sure?"
"The monk we met this morning told me," she said. "Remember him? The tiny old man in the Buddhist temple?"
"Oh, him," I said, though I didn't remember him very well, "he was kind of...weird. Sure he wasn't joking around?"
Limei laughed. "Monks don't make jokes like this," she said. "Its just not a...monk joke. Believe me, I can tell. And besides, why are you so convinced this stone doesn't exist?"
The question caught me off-guard. She was right: why I was so sure about my statement? I couldn't disprove the existence of this mysterious stone. In fact, it is impossible for anyone to disprove the existence of anything—for instance, the existence of God. However, I couldn't disprove the existence of unicorns, demons, and fairies, either.
I let out a sigh. "Okay, okay, if you really wanna see it, we can go tomorrow morning."
I'm not sure whether this will hook up or annoy the reader. If it is the first, am I doing it effectively?