Best way to emphasise the greenness of the fields in spring in comparison with summer

Question

The question arises from this sentence in my story, which was originally written in Hebrew and later translated by me to English. In Hebrew I say:

קמתי בבוקר והלכתי למוצב. היה זה יום בהיר של תחילת האביב. כשהלכתי בדרך לעבר המוצב, יצא לי ליהנות מהירוק האביב של השדה, לפני שהקיץ נותן בו את אותותיו.‏

while in English I say:

I woke up in the morning, and went to the post. It was a bright day at the beginning of spring. When I walked down the road that leads to the post, I enjoyed the lively green of the field, before the summer manifests itself.

Now, what I mean to say is that the field is green and lively during springtime but after Summer it will turn less lively and green (or as we say in Hebrew "נתן בו את אותותיו", which roughly translated means "unleashed its signs/marks/influences on it".

What's the best way to say it in English? Furthermore, which tense should I use, given that the story is supposedly written in springtime, before summer takes place? The people on ##English on Freenode had a hard time with it. (And as someone there joked, I'd better find a good way to phrase it in English, before I miss the Israeli spring again.)

Answer 1

There is no "best" way to say it in English. What you are trying to say is a subtle observation by a fiction writer, namely YOU. (Even it this is actually non-fiction, it nevertheless utilizes creativity in its modes of expression).

So it's up to you to say it the way you want to say it. You have free reign to do it any way you like.

As for the tense, the most likely way to do it is probably conditional, thus: "By the time summer arrived, the grass would have lost its luster."

I may as well go ahead and craft an example:

"The field vibrated with the pale green flush of life that ran through the newborn blades of grass. Only a few months later, when summer had exerted its control on the world, the grass would darken and deepen into the green of fading promise, but now, while promise remained the word of the day, the grass spoke to him of all the love he might ever find and never lose."

Whatever you think of this meager off-the-cuff attempt, I hope it illustrates my point.

Answer 2

If you are trying to find a fairly literal translation, couldn't you play around with English phrases that communicate the meaning? Essentially, since you want to suggest the "marks" of summer, think about what those marks are and mention them.

"I enjoyed the lively green of the field, not yet faded from the ravages of summer"

"...not yet dulled by the heat of summer"

"...not yet muted by the heat of summer," or something like that?

You could also find a more specific, evocative verb than "enjoyed," which might help you determine the rest of the phrase.

Answer 3

without a sense of the point-of-view of the narrator here, and the context surrounding this event: this walk to the post-office, I don't think I can say much.

Is your use of past tense here a deliberate choice, or dictated by the context and point-of-view ?

You've given some hints: "surreal," "archaic;" which one could "project" into a thousand contexts, but then, that wouldn't be your writing, your voice.

What do you wish the reader to experience at this point in the story, or novel ?

In terms of the "flow" of your English, the somewhat stilted linear sequence of the sentences (peppered with lots of the article "the") could very well be required by the character you are portraying: that "jagged flow" could suggest a detachment, an existential anomie, or, a distance, "in consciousness," between the narrator, and the world of his, or her, senses.

That's where we need to know your intent, as creator.

So, having said all that, let me tell you what comes to my mind :)

"Morning: I awoke, remembered I had to go the post-office. I stepped into the brilliance of an early spring day where the waxing sun had just burned-off dawn's mists, reflecting, as I walked, on the vibrant green fields along the roadway's transient lushness. I thought: such a fragile effusion of life-force: unaware, as I was all too aware, of the dragon of summer's on-rushing searing force, and its withering scourge of heat.

I believe I may have actually said to myself, out loud: 'it may be a blessing not to remember the future.' "

In any case, good luck !

yours, Bill

"I'd like the winds of all cultures to blow around my house, but I would not want to be knocked over by any of them." Mahatma Gandhi

Answer 4

I'd suggest you look at how other writers have used color and other imagery to suggest the freshness of spring and youth fading inexorably into age. Here's Dylan Thomas, for one:

Now as I was young and easy under the apple boughs
About the lilting house and happy as the grass was green
...
And as I was green and carefree, famous among the barns
About the happy yard and singing as the farm was home
...
And playing, lovely and watery
And fire green as grass.
...
Oh as I was young and easy in the mercy of his means,
Time held me green and dying
Though I sang in my chains like the sea.

In fact, read all of Fern Hill. It's all about the very progression of youth to age that you seem to want to describe.

Answer 5

I woke up in the morning, and went to the post. It was a bright day at the beginning of spring. When I walked down the road that leads to the post, I enjoyed the lively green of the field, before the summer manifests itself.

I find the mix of tenses a little jarring; for example “walked down” being past vs “leads” present; or “enjoyed” being past vs “manifests” present. Perhaps use “would manifest”. Anyhow, fixing those problems with tense leads to

When I woke in the morning, a bright morning at the front of spring, I went to the post. As I walked the road on my way, I marvelled at the lively green of the field, a green it would hold til summer came down upon it.

The following form, which I remark upon below, has been suggested in a comment.

The early spring day awakened me with sunlight so urgent and pervasive I almost felt I was breathing it. Minutes later I was walking the road to the post, admiring a field of grass so freshly green it seemed lit from within. I enjoyed its vibrancy even more when I reflected how summer would all too soon impose itself, dialing the color down to a dull, dark, nearly lifeless shade.

In my opinion, urgent and pervasive seems overblown, an unnecessary exaggeration. Minutes later adds an unnecessary and undesirable sense of hurry, but the rest of that sentence is ok. Verb enjoyed is weak and nonspecific. The idiom or metaphor dialing...down has a technical overtone that clashes with the natural setting of the rest of the passage. Phrase “dull, dark, nearly lifeless shade” again seems an unnecessary exaggeration, although I grant we don't know what tone the paragraph should end with.