The plot I’m thinking of goes from very normal, with fleshed out characters, to surreal towards the end. I want to wrap it around to have strange foreshadowing at the very beginning of the book to hook the reader, but I haven’t yet hit the jackpot in having the perfect first paragraph.
I wish to start with the main character waking up from a strange, hellish nightmare. This nightmare will become exponentially more important and make more sense as the story goes on, but I don’t want too much to be exposed so early. Right now, I have it like this:
I can’t see my hands.
I can’t see my feet.
A blinding sheet of white burns into my eyes, and a strong taste burns into my throat. I am a floating orb in an endless tunnel with no top or bottom. Still, I will always search for who I have lost, ad infinitum. The memory of what I was before is fading away, and yet one name remains:
Marco! Marco! I screamed at the top of my lungs into the void. A river of tears flowed down my face, or at least they feel like tears.
“Oh, God! Marco, where are you?”
At this point, Marco punches the main character (Otto) in the face to wake him up from the dream, as he had been screaming out loud and Marco couldn’t take it anymore. Banter ensues, and even the next door neighbor comes by to see what all the ruckus was about.
I wish to keep Otto screaming out where Marco is, as this act becomes more relevant later on. I want the reader to know something will happen between them, and the dream is the first hint. I feel Otto describing where he is and when he starts yelling Marco’s name feels a bit choppy, like there’s something missing in between. Should it be more fleshed out, or does it seem alright for someone picking this story up for the first time?