This is the beginning of a short story I'm writing:
Jun was standing motionless at entrance of the 7-eleven. He was staring down, searching for something in his memory as students picked their midnight snacks, office workers talked on the seats, and youngsters with dyed hair drank their beers. He scratched his ear and lifted his head. What did Ling ask me to buy? His wife had asked him to get something for her at the the 7-eleven. That had been the reason he had come out, and entered the convenient store in the first place. But now that he was here, he didn't know what he was supposed to buy. He made a mental list of all the possibilities: chocolate milk, cookies, shampoo, washing foam, bathing foam, condoms...He stopped there and realized that it wasn't any of them. How can that be possible? She just told me a minutes ago. He wonder if he was in early stages of Alzheimer or dementia. But he thought that was impossible, after all, he was just in his mid-thirties. Those diseases belonged to people with white hair and walking sticks.
Jun decided to sit in one of the stools. He glanced at his watch. 12:30 a.m. He thought about calling his wife and ask her what she needed. He took his cellphone from his pocket and stared at it for a couple of seconds, but then put it back. I better not call her. I just told you few minutes ago and you forgot? she would say. He left out a sigh and glanced around, realizing that he was feeling a little bit hungry. Jun headed to the food section, and bough himself a hot dog and a iced coffee.
I was wondering if this will grab the reader's attention (Would he or she think that the situation is too "normal" or "not intriguing enough)?
Thanks for everyone's suggestions. How about this?
Jun stood motionless at the entrance of the 7-Eleven, ignoring the strange looks from customers who were entering the place. He stared down at his shoes as if he were in some sort of trance. Then, he lifted his head and glanced around. What did Ling ask me to buy? His wife had asked him to get something for her. That had been the reason he had gone out, and entered a convenient store in the first place. But now that he was here, he didn't know what he was supposed to buy.