1

Which version sounds more natural and engaging?

When Tom got out of the water, he was still scared but at the same time relieved. Everyone else was laughing at what had happened. So, he thought aloud, 'I should have expected this from Sam.' It had been a joke he would never forget.

Or

When Tom got out of the water, he was still scared but at the same time relieved. Everyone else was laughing at what had happened. 'I should have expected this from Sam,' Tom thought aloud. It had been a joke he would never forget.

Improve this question
1
  • 2
    In your first version the phrase So, he thought aloud ... needs quotation marks around 'So', so 'So', he thought aloud .... Without them 'So' is part of the text, not part of the speech uttered within the text.
    – High Performance Mark
    Dec 13, 2022 at 9:44

1 Answer 1

Reset to default
1

I'm sure someone smarter than me will come along and give you a more thorough answer, but your quick answer is the second one. I don't know the exact technical reasoning as to why it flows better, but I know most people would agree it does. Hope this helps until someone gives you more detail!

Improve this answer
3
  • Your answer could be improved with additional supporting information. Please edit to add further details, such as citations or documentation, so that others can confirm that your answer is correct. You can find more information on how to write good answers in the help center.
    – Community Bot
    Dec 13, 2022 at 9:30
  • but I know most people would agree it does That's a bold claim!
    – High Performance Mark
    Dec 13, 2022 at 9:42
  • I kind of agree, but it would be better to explore in more detail, and maybe consider other alternatives too. Otherwise the answer might be useful to the OP (at least in the short term) but doesn't provide a useful resource for others or help anyone become a better writer.
    – Stuart F
    Dec 13, 2022 at 12:24

Your Answer

By clicking “Post Your Answer”, you agree to our terms of service and acknowledge that you have read and understand our privacy policy and code of conduct.

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.