I am trying to implement focus into my writing since I believe that is one of the many traits my writing lacks. It is not focus on the central idea, but description, action, and mood.
I have seen people recommend that action should not interrupt description or mood, mood should not interrupt description or action, and description should not interrupt mood or action. In doing so the reader can focus on one thing at a time and be ready to move on. Also, the overall story continues to move.
Here are my problems:
Firstly, I am not sure how to clearly differentiate the three.
For example, here are two paragraphs from my short story(not subsequent to each other):
**Leef can not see past what the torch illuminates. Most may think the cave is completely empty, but she knows this to be untrue. She moves quickly and deliberately through the cavern; eventually, she halts at a wall of rock, and sends a spiral of wind to demolish it. Before her, a giant eye opens from its slumber. The scaly beast is younger than most of its kind, and 8 times larger than Leef; wrapped within its tail a shiny relic occupes it. Suddenly, 200 daggers of menacing ice puncture the dragon, and then it lays limp. Leef stealthily sweeps the relic and exits the cave. This is no challenge for her. That is until she freezes in place. A figure so bright that she must squint to avoid blinding herself looms over her.
A voice in the back of her mind murmurs, selfish. This defines exactly what Leef would be if she puts herself in front of everyone else. She digs into her pocket and pulls out a glistening silver pendant embedded with a massive red ruby. This is the only memory she has of her village, and the only thing that she could salvage. A herd of fire dragons killed everyone in her village, except Leef. Her mother wore this pendant day and night; now she possesses it. She stares at herself in the reflection. Her hair is a dirty blonde, nowhere near as light as it was when she was a child. Her eyes an enchanting emerald green, her skin as pale as snow. But what would she do? She has no one; no family, no friends, no companions, no one, anymore. People fear her for her power. They see her only as a danger, a weapon. Not someone they would share smiles with. Droplets of water form in her eye. Her blood begins to simmer.**
I am unsure wether a sentence like, “Most may think the cave is completely empty, but she knows this to be untrue,” is mood, description, or something completely different. Another example is, “But what would she do? She has no one; no family, no friends, no companions, no one, anymore. “ If so, how would I apply focus to this?
Additionally, what if two (mood, description, and/or action) exist in the same sentence? For instance, in “ She digs into her pocket and pulls out a glistening silver pendant embedded with a massive red ruby,” she digs is an action, but the pendent is being described. Where would I put the sentence if I were to reorganize the paragraph? Or should I create two completely different sentences to deal with action(1) and describe(2)?
Secondly, how do I reorganize the paragraphs to make them coherent and focused? Should I make a whole paragraph based on action, the next based on description, and the next based on mood?