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When writing a verse for a song a lot of times I find it easier to sing if I leave out function words (demonstratives/conjunctions). Is this a bad habit? It seems to cause lack of clarity but I see it done a lot in poetry. I also get tired of using the word 'and' so often.

                Example:
When I went outside my home I had a feeling,
something wasn't right.               (that)
I guess I didn't have the time        (but) 
that is how I almost died             (and)
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  • They don't contribute anything. At best they are an extra syllable to fill a beat. My opinion is it's stronger without them…. Delete 'When", too.
    – wetcircuit
    Dec 7, 2021 at 3:13

2 Answers 2

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I would just change to periods, especially for eliminating "and". It almost always works fine. It works in all your conjunctive cases:

When I went outside my home I had a feeling.

Something wasn't right.

I guess I didn't have the time.

That is how I almost died.

It might be a bad habit. It is not a bad practice. Don't do it if the meaning is damaged.

If the word is not necessary to the meaning, then brevity beats wordiness.

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When writing in general, you can omit words by punctuation:

When I went outside my home I had a feeling: something wasn't right. I
guess I didn't have the time... that is how I almost died.

From an "acceptability" & literary point of view, this is perfectly fine, because it gives you a (more) unique voice. Given that it's a song you're writing, it's really not a problem, unless this is not the type of voice you want to project.

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