This question is inspired by a different one - How to communicate characters' inner states?. Although it may seem similar at first glance, I find the difference quite profound. My question regards character's thinking process - when they came up to certain conclusions.
Quite often in my stories, I include the situation when after a certain event main characters start thinking - and end up with some kind of change in their current behavior. I used to describe it quite literally. I tend to write down the hero's thoughts - both in the first and third person.
As I am analyzing my own writing, I started looking at this particular tendency. Somehow I feel that this way is not ideal. My impression is these paragraphs' are too dense.
They also seem to be deeply internal. Suddenly I move from describing external events to the inside of the character's head. Then with the same rapidity, I come back right to the world.
Here is an example from my recent story. Please notice that English is not my native language and this is just a translation. Apologies for its imperfectness.
Banners and loudspeakers landed on the ground, and furious people stuck to the front of the bus. Oliver studied their faces and saw no trace of self-control.
The bus continued to move forward. The floor of the vehicle rose slightly on the right side. A new message appeared on the dashboard: Accident! For a moment, Oliver's heart skipped. There was silence in the cabin. The soldiers stood unresponsive. The dynamics of the protesters have changed.
Terror, weakness appeared on their faces. They ran to the right-hand side of the bus. Thus, they cleared the space leading to the gate. Bald Tom took advantage of the opportunity to accelerate a bit. The entrance to the base opened automatically upon sensing an allied unit. They entered.
Oliver sat down. He was examining the curvature of the floor with his feet. His imagination kept coming up with images of a man getting entangled in a wheel. He thought it was his fault, only his. A person died because of him.
He had never been present at someone's death before. All he did was piloting ships. Delivering people and goods. He was overwhelmed with remorse of a caliber he had never imagined before.
However he had one clear thought as well. He will make it on time. He will get to do training. His dream, put aside for a moment, came back as graspable as never before. This relief only fuelled the guilt he already felt.
As a result, he felt a confusion of emotions and he did not know whether what happened was good or bad.
And another one:
Stefano sighed: 'I think it's time for me to take the lead.'
Oliver felt offended. If he gives up control now, the teacher will remember him as a failure. He couldn't agree to this. He knew he could handle planes very well, even in space. And he wished Stefano was aware of this fact. He even imagined Stefan's Instagram story, where he tells how Oliver impressed him.
-Not yet. I know how to reach Jupiter. I did it on the simulator.
I hope I made my concern clear. If not I'll be happy to clarify the problem. I have learned quite a lot from this community and I'm really interested in the opinions of more experienced writers.