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"Avalon falls to these lands. The red blood poured from the sky."

Using Avalon instead of rain. Is this a metaphor and is this a valid metaphor? I am trying to see if this makes any sense as a metaphor. The second sentence says that the rain is red somehow like the blood of men, but I could remove it for clarity since the question only involves the first part. These are some just made up sentences.

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    Don't remove the second sentence, I feel it may be an important contributor to the context. Given that the second sentence starts with The, I feel it's an important indicator about what's going on in the first one. Thus, while being clueless, I could even guess that "Avalon" here doesn't even substitute "rain", but rather some sort of misery, damnation, or other peril...
    – Levente
    May 8 at 14:46
  • What would you change to imply that Avalon is the rain or blood rain?
    – Sayaman
    May 9 at 21:28
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The specific use of "fall to" is not at all the same as "fall on". In fact I would read it to mean that Avalon lost (fell) to whoever "these lands" is.

Try

Avalon rained down on X. Death and blood poured from the sky.

"Rained down on" is a clearer metaphor for suddenly and overwhelmingly entering a place and having a deadly war there. If you say only that blood (whether red or not) poured from the sky it might not be clear it's a metaphor since blood is a liquid you could literally pour. So adding another word makes this more clearly a metaphor.

I also think X should be much more specific than "these lands" unless perhaps your narrator has been established as telling the history of the current location. "The kingdom of Whoever." "My home." "This golden valley." "The once-hidden glory of Wherever."

Also, keep the tense consistent. If Avalon falls or rains, then the blood pours. If the blood poured, then Avalon fell or rained.

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