Can someone teach me how to write both a heel realization and mental breakdown at the same time? I’m trying to write a highly emotional and heartbreaking scene where the central antagonist both physically and mentally realizes how evil, violent, and hateful he’s become, due to his actions and behavior towards the main heroes, after said heroes give him a very brutal, yet well-deserved verbal beatdown.
It shows him rethinking all his actions and how they’ve all turned out for the worse for both him and others despite his seemingly good intentions and the fact that he’s supposed to make life better for others instead of hurting them.
While he’s doing that, his mind slowly deteriorates as the continuous thoughts of guilt, self-hatred, and grief for both his horrible actions, behavior, and experiences keep hitting him in his mind until he finally makes the realization that he's nothing more than a monster and a gullible idiot and deserves to be punished, even if it means death.
What I need help with is how to put that in internal monologues/thoughts to show his mind slowly deteriorating and breaking down as he continues to think about what he’s doing before his realization of how monstrous he’s become and how unworthy of forgiveness and redemption he thinks he is.
Sorry for getting too depressing, though. If you want to know more about this central antagonist, here is a description of him.