I'm struggling with my thoughts about what I see as a dichotomy.
Basically, I'm not sure when started, but emulating some novels I read, I started using mainly narration to describing the thoughts and internal conflicts of my POV characters.
Very rarely actually writing internal dialogue. It's kinda become part of my style. I'm not fully sure if that's good or bad?
What I originally wrote, using only narration:
- He wasn't going with total strangers or anything. Both Houses were connected by marriage. The leader of House Basthed being his father's brother-in-law. But if Morgan ever met his uncle and his family, he was probably too young to remember.
- "Right?" asked Cailin, her big eyes on the verge of tears. Making it hard to say no.
- His uncle was content about talking of his old friend, but there was something that bothered Morgan.
- Emmer hadn't changed much. His presence brought back some bad memories.
Compared to the same paragraphs, including internal thoughts:
- He wasn't going with total strangers or anything. Both Houses were connected by marriage. The leader of House Basthed being his father's brother-in-law. ‘I can't remember meeting my uncle or anyone from his family. Maybe I did when I was just a baby?’
- "Right?" asked Cailin, her big eyes on the verge of tears. ‘It’s hard to say no if you look at me with that expression,’ he thought.
- ‘He looks so happy talking about his old ally… Then why he doesn’t speak about him more often? Unless…’
- ‘He hasn’t changed much since I left.’ Looking at him brought back some bad memories.
As you can see, there's a huge difference, and I'm not fully sure which one is better.
I feel like the first series of examples are more professional. But because of that reason, they are drier.
And this is supposed to be for a YA audience, so maybe the lighter tone of the second series of examples would be better? What do you think?
I'm writing third-person limited. And I'm doing POVs with more than one character.