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I have ONE SHOT at getting the CEO to read further in my cover letter to a new company that has complicated operations and is going to build out their national footprint. I didn't want it to sound boring and common so I'm taking a bolder and more conversational style. But I really don't like "I've knocked it out of the park for other companies..." because it sounds WAY too informal.

This is 100% of the opening, before I start talking about my qualifications.... this is the one shot:

Hello Mr. Anderson, and the AmeriSuites Hotels team.

I would drive AmeriSuites to exceptional success as your COO.

I’ve knocked it out of the park for other companies, and I want to come do the same for you.

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  • Personally, I think your cover letter will be a lot more convincing if you cite specific achievements (e.g. which "other companies" and what "exceptional success") rather than rely on trite metaphors. However, rephrasing requests are generally considered on off-topic here, and you might have more success getting help on your cover letter in general on workplace.stackexchange.com – Llewellyn Oct 3 '20 at 12:17
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I am going off the top of my head so do have some second thoughts of your own.

  1. "I have bowled a strike for other companies"
  2. "I have played an ace for other companies"
  3. "I have done an Oscar for other companies"
  4. "I have piloted take-offs for other companies"
  5. "I have played Dicaprio for other companies"

I'll add more as I get them. Hope this helps.

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  • I would avoid using Dicaprio, as it's not clear what movie you're referring to: Titanic? Gangs of New York? Catch Me If You Can? I'm saying depending on the reader's first association, this could easily backfire. – Llewellyn Oct 3 '20 at 12:08
  • If you (OP) are planning to go with a metaphor, maybe you could come up with something related to the company. – Llewellyn Oct 3 '20 at 12:10
  • @Llewellyn who wouldn't want Wolf of Wall Street on their board? – Bob says reinstate Monica Oct 3 '20 at 14:59
  • @Llewellyn I agree. However I was merely referring to Dicaprio as the lead role in the film, unaffected by his standing, but perhaps that's not as clear and, yes, could backfire. I also agree with the idea to use a metaphor related to the company, if it's not perceived as too cheesy – Hardik Rajpal Oct 3 '20 at 15:05

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