I'm currently writing, or starting to write, a book that discusses misandry and the such. I'm going to try to use as much evidence as I can without it seeming harmful.

For example, I want to add in a statistic about domestic violence, but I don't want to downplay the domestic violence women face or make it seem like I am doing so. Here's the statistic:

The same research that has indicated that a woman gets severely assaulted by a boyfriend/husband every 15 seconds also indicates that every 14.6 seconds a man gets severely assaulted by a girfriend/wife. While men and women are equally likely to become the victim of mild assault at the hands of an opposite-sex partner, men are more likely to become a victim of severe assault at the hands of an opposite-sex partner.

Other research has also shown that gay men are the least likely demographic to become a victim of domestic abuse at the hands of an intimate partner (male), with about a quarter experiencing domestic abuse from an intimate partner. Lesbians are the most likely demographic to become a victim of domestic abuse at the hands of an intimate partner (female), with almost half of lesbians becoming a victim of domestic violence at the hands of an intimate partner.

While men make up about 40% or more of those domestically abused, women make up about 70% of domestic abuse perpetrators.

Both male and female victims of domestic violence are more likely to be victimized by a female perpetrator.

I want to show these facts without downplaying the domestic violence that women face. Does this sound right, or does it have the potential to be harmful towards female victims?

I merely want to bring attention to male victims, but I want to do it in a way that isn't harmful.

Please try to not attack me for being an MRA (I am a gay man, so please don't accuse me of being a "whiny straight white male.") I am not necessarily anti-feminist, just towards the type that is harmful to men. I'd appreciate it if you don't attack me for my politics, and instead try to make sure that I am saying the facts in such a way that I don't harm any victim, male or female.

2 Answers 2


I suspect that there is no way to touch this subject without causing pain and anger.

We should all hope that a victim of this kind of abuse would have worked through the trauma and come out the other side healed and thus strong enough to talk about the events in a calm, rational way. For some victims, perhaps most of them, that may take more than a lifetime.

We should also hope that the abuser has worked through the reasons for being the abuser in the first place and have grown into a more nurturing human being. But that also may require more patience than most of us possess.

For me, the point would not be to avoid pain but to give that pain a purpose. For many of us, we willingly endure discomfort and even pain if we can see a clear link between that and an overriding goal. We work to help the animals, or to support the children, or the to heap glory on our school. Wars have been fought over ideas, religious, political, cultural. Purpose is a powerful painkiller.

Let me suggest that you define "a shining city on a hill" that represents how you want to the world to be. Then show the ways in which the world does not live up to the vision. Finally, lay out the actions that will lead from the here-and-now to the what-it-could-be.

You will not avoid the discomfort but you may just give people reasons to ignore it.

  • Thank you for not attacking my politics and for helping me! I'll keep it in mind as I go along. May 30, 2020 at 16:32
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    If it would, mark the answer as "the answer". Thanks. May 30, 2020 at 20:50
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    I don't really understand how this answers the question, but if OP thinks it does then I guess that's fine... May 30, 2020 at 22:14
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    I understood the question to be: how do I address this sensitive issue without causing harm. I answered: There will always be some harm, but there are ways to address the issue and provide redeeming value. This is a common approach for such topics. But if you have a better answer, I urge you to offer it to the community. May 31, 2020 at 1:11
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    @AcidKritana Yes :) Jun 9, 2020 at 23:51

The fact of the matter is that it's not anti-feminist to point out that men and women are victimized by domestic abuse at about equal rates, victims of male domestic abuse are way less likely to report their abuse than female victims because there is a social stigma that discourages this.

It goes without saying that domestic violence is wrong, no matter the sex of the perpetrator or the sex of the victim, and one should make it abundantly clear that your work is not attempting to diminish the pain of female victims but to highlight the lack of resources for male victims when compared to female victims. Increasing support for one sex should not come decrease support for the other, but in a change in priority to direct equal resources to all victims, without removing what victims with access to better resources already have.

Left untreated, the abused have a tendency to themselves become abusers. A male victim without proper treatment today means a female victim tomorrow.

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