I have been writing a story that for a long time I considered to be an urban fantasy, with supernatural elements in a recognizably modern setting. However, while I thought I was writing a rather straightforward urban fantasy story, it’s become apparent that the story seems to share a lot of elements with a paranormal romance as well.
The story revolves around two star-crossed lovers from different supernatural factions, so it is difficult to say whether the A plot is the romance, the feud between the factions, or both. The romantic and non-romantic plot points are directly tied together. The individual story arcs are primarily driven by non-romantic conflict but the overarching meta-plot is definitely the story of the relationship between the two characters and to a lesser degree their relationships with family and friends. There are also a number of individual character arcs and subplots that have nothing to do with romance, but focus on things like platonic friendships and mentorhood.
The romance is not treated as a steamy, wish-fulfillment fantasy (contra something like Twilight), but is used to further the non-romantic themes of the novel about the human condition. There is no erotica, and cutesy romantic gestures that you would expect in a romance novel are virtually absent unless they further character development.
I've heard it said if you can remove the romance from the story and it still works it's not a paranormal romance. However, while the romance is key to the story, there's very little of the typical "they love me, they love me not" and "supernatural phenomena merely exist to get the characters to shack up" typical of paranormal romance.
I suppose a comparable analogy would be The Incredibles compared to your standard superhero fare. In contrast to most entries in their respective genre, the relationship between the two main characters is treated as a key part of the plot rather than a subplot, and there’s always this undercurrent of the events the characters are going through being akin to the trials and tribulations of a normal relationship albeit with a fantastic twist. E.g., a superhero going through a midlife crisis, or a heroine torn between "career versus family" except "career" in this case is being a werewolf alpha.
As a result, I have no idea if what I am writing is a very good urban fantasy story, or a very bad paranormal romance. I understand that categorizing works of fiction into genres is often arbitrary even at the best of times. I also understand that the boundary between paranormal romance and urban fantasy is hard to define and arbitrary even compared to most literary genres. As other people have said before “the only difference between the two is if a story has a half-naked woman on the cover, it is urban fantasy; if it is a half-naked man, it is paranormal romance”. But I'm concerned if it falls too far on the "paranormal romance" side it won't be of interest to the target audience and I need to course-correct.