What to remember when switching from audiovisual comedy to written ones?

Question

"Oh for God's sake, get on with it!", the half-elf's scream boomed through the fort. The uneasines was palpable, you could probably even slice out a big chunk and eat it. [Name] glanced back at the commander

While her slender form stood out from the rest of her legionaries when he looked at her, the stern face, furrowed eyebrows and those hazel eyes emenated a demonic presence, no mortal could hope to explain. It tied noose around everyone (except for that crazed half-elf) which tightened with each second.

"Uhm, maybe we sho-", he couldn't bring himself to mutter a word more. Every bit of his body protested. But this was absurd, this would be the sixth time he would try to behead that guy, it's not like he missed, the axe hardly could do more than a papercut.

And that guy, One, as he called himself, behaved more like the executioner, and [Name] like the one about to be beheaded.

So, yes, I based this on the intro sequence of Skyrim and it's also my first attempt at writing something funny in creative-writing that's more Rejtő Jenő and less memes. Basically, I'm trying to use more classical tools.

The thing is I'm very accustomed to humor that relies on the advantages, video has over written text. In other words, I don't know what to keep in mind when writing written comedy.

So, what's the most important difference between written and audiovisual comedy that I have to keep in mind when writing?

Due to the nature of the main character (One), there are a handful of larger parts of constant comedy (levity, to be precise) that later transition into a more serious tone.

Answer 1

I used to be a visual thinker like you. Then I took an adjective to the knee.

The big difference - which applies to other genres as well as comedy - is that you're using the reader's imagination instead of a screen. With a screen, there's little room for ambiguity. With the reader's imagination, what they've seen may not be exactly what the writer has seen. There are opportunities for surprise and comedy in this.

Some writers slap the reader in the face with perspective. I always scowl at the scrolling titles in "Star Wars" - the Empire are inherently "evil" and "sinister", while the rebels want to "restore freedom" by [winning] "victory". There's no room for nuance, which translates better into a visual medium than written text.

It also works well for a reading audience that want to be led, so for some genres a direct description will be the way to go. Others may want to exercise their imaginations more, in which case metaphor and simile will be stronger than a direct description (which is a variation on the classic "show, don't tell" - and you've shown us some examples of doing that in the excerpt). If you can figure out how to accommodate both groups of readers you'll have found the Holy Grail of writing, and an ability to switch between the two approaches is possibly the Holy Grail of comedy.

And watch out for those adjectives. They're sharp and pointy.

Answer 2

There is no short answer to your question(s). You first have establish the very definition of comedy and what makes it so?

The first thing to establish in written comedy is that YOU the AUTHOR as a 3rd person narrator should not attempt to be funny. You may create funny situations, amusing characters with hilarious dialogue but you the author should stay out of it.

Comedy is very three dimensional often relying on the information held by a) the reader, b) the characters. i.e. An variation of the basic pantomime plot "Behind you!" - The audience is aware of a situation one or more characters are not. "Tootsie" is an example of this.

Ambiguity and innuendo are also popular elements of comedy as are misunderstandings.

In my opinion, your example fails because you're trying to work descriptions into a scene / sketch. This serves to mess up the timing of the humour. Everything needs to be set-up beforehand.

As for the visual component - it's tough without referencing an existing piece of "video".