I am sorry. Its a bit longer than necessary. So as not to put one entire page here, I cut a piece of the paragraph. Ian had difficulty expressing himself, so Lavi squat down in front of him, holding his hands. Being the supportive guy he always was.
"It's like you guys don't trust me. It's like- like I'm back at the-" Since their eyes were connected, he saw of course the effect his words had. Seeing as the smile vanished and the sparkling pink eyes dulled, Ian broke off. His mouth snapped shut. Words weren't forming anymore. Even swallowing didn't help anything. His throat felt parched like he had been under the heat of the sun and not been able to drink anything for a long time. Dark brown eyes were frantically looking at Lavi's. "I-I- n't- I- ean- I mean- I didn't-" Ian tried to explain, the words not forming right and leaving his shaking lips, half choked and half incoherent. Lavi suddenly stood up so fast, Ian's entire body flinched back. Hands snapping back and cradling each other. If strong arms didn't reach out to pull him against an even stronger chest, he would've fallen of the painting stool for sure.
Ian froze for one second before the scent of Lilies and vanilla mixed with smoke penetrated his nose. Relaxing against Lavi. His arms were too short of course, to encircle all of his waist. But small hands gripped at what they could from the shirt nonetheless. He had the need to ground himself. Something to tell himself this moment was real. Lavi was that special something since day one. Ian buried his face deeper into the stomach. Forgetting for one moment everything else. Just for the moment. Later on Ian will ignore his feelings and reason that it's only because of stress again. But now. Right now. To enjoy this simple, yet precious moment with Lavi. Nothing in the world would be to much to give for Ian. Not this moment. Not ever.
Or sometimes I write things like that when they think:
Ian was so stupid. Lavi would hate him if he knew! Hell everyone would. Even kindhearted Bekky. It would break his heart if they ever found out. Maybe Ian still had time to gather his stuff and disappear forever. To never be seen again. If Ian was a bit more attentive, he would've probably notice the pair of keen eyes watching him, from the entrance to Lavi's trailer.
Just wanted to know if someone had an advice. I mean I don't say my name when I think. But for some reason I like writing that in my fictions. Also for example I say either:
I am so stupid how could I make the same mistake twice!
How can someone be so stupid to make the same mistake twice.
English is not my native language. So sorry for the weird writing.
(They are not together yet. Ian is gay. Lavi is bi. These are not the names I used for my fiction.) I'm still in the rewriting process and trying to lessen the pronouns and names. If you guys are so kind to give me some advice. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read my stuff and for replying. Thank you very much.