I am writing a new adult urban fantasy novel. The following is the beginning of my current book:

My hand gripped her fragile, human arm. Her warm energy waited just beneath her skin. I stared down at her wide eyes and quivering lip. My desire coaxed her energy out as it eagerly left her cells and fused into mine.

My body instantly recognized the warm flood rushing into me. Power charged through me as she faded. My vision sharpened with fresh intensity as chills spread across my back. I loved that feeling.

The sound of giggle came from behind me, pulling at my attention. I rolled my eyes and focused back on the human dangling from my grip. I siphoned enough energy to slow her heartrate, almost too faint to even hear.

I released her arm and she thudded against the ground. I looked down at the human, her little heart pattering on. The familiar guilt swept in, drowning out the roaring energy in my body.

“Done,” I called as I turned my back to the human.

“Already?” Nikki asked.

Her hand wrapped around the arm of a human man. He smiled down at her with a dazed expression as his energy flowed into her body. She moved her free hand to push her long, black braid over her bare shoulder.

She only tied up her hair in a long braid during a fight, or a hunt. It was convenient and it let people see the series of diamond studs that went up her left ear, and Nikki was all about showing.

“Not all of us like to play with our food,” I stared at her, crossing my arms in front of me.

Nikki smiled and glared at the same time as the human buckled his knees. His eyes closed as her hand pulled away from him. I couldn’t hear a heartbeat. Nikki stepped over his body and walked toward me.

“Hey, don’t mock.” She grabbed my right arm and twisted it to show the underside.

We both looked at the embedded mark on my arm, centered perfectly between my elbow and my wrist. The black dagger pointing toward my hand shimmered brilliantly.

The mark of the Shadows.

Do the opening lines make you want to continue reading? Does the dialogue feel natural? Are you interested in what's happening?

  • @ADay this is not really a question we can answer here since it is heavily opinionated and we cannot tell you what to write or give critique. For this reason the question probably gets closed soon. If you want to know how to hook a reader to your story, you should probably rephrase the question to something more general. But also check other questions about this subject, because there might be questions around that can answer that already. – Totumus Maximus Nov 27 '18 at 8:18
  • I will just say that the pronoun game you play just after introducing Nikki is fairly confusing – BKlassen Nov 27 '18 at 16:11