I have read any essay making tips and they said that the thesis statement is key to the thesis. So I tried to make one based on a question.

So assume question like this:

Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems.

And I create a thesis statement based on that question:

In this essay, I will arguing that overpopulation may cause prevalent famine and increasing numbers of unemployment.

Is this thesis statement correct? I feel that I should include my solution in the thesis statement, but it will make the statement become too long. What should I do?

  • "I will arguing" should probable be "I will be arguing" or "I will argue". – Rolazaro Azeveires Nov 8 '18 at 5:25
  • Please note: asking about whether your grammar is correct is off-topic, since htat's asking us for critique of a particular piece of writing. However, asking about how to construct a thesis statement, which is, as I understand it, your main question, is very much on topic. Using an example to show your struggles with that is just fine. – Galastel supports GoFundMonica Nov 8 '18 at 11:20

I am pretty sure this isn't a proper question for this site, but I will answer.

First, it's "I will argue" and not "I will arguing."

Second, it's "cause unemployment" or "cause increasing numbers of unemployed workers" or "lead to a higher rate of unemployment."

But that's just grammar (I assume English is not your first language as these are things a native speaker wouldn't get wrong, especially not the first one).

Make your thesis statement stand on its own. Don't tell the reader it's a thesis statement. So no "In this essay" or "I will argue." Just tell us what overpopulation does to urban areas. Then prove it.

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  • if it's not proper, where should I ask about this kind of questions? I'm not in a country where the English is primary language. My job cannot afford me to pay advisor for reviewing my essay. So is this SE cannot allow me to ask about opinion of my essay study? by the way, thanks for the answers. Nice input. – Aroli Marcellinus Nov 8 '18 at 6:11
  • The reason it isn't really for this site is because it's asking people to critique your writing ability. I'm confused though...the question you say you're answering is one that teachers give students. So doesn't your teacher help you out? If you don't have a teacher, what led you to posit that question (the writing prompt)? – Cyn says make Monica whole Nov 8 '18 at 6:30
  • And I'm glad the answers were helpful to you. – Cyn says make Monica whole Nov 8 '18 at 6:31
  • Well, I do some self-study about writing essay to create a scientific paper. As you know that there is a phrase called "one step at a time", I wanna try to learn it by myself. So, it's not even an assignment. I am just someone who wanna study to write from zero. – Aroli Marcellinus Nov 8 '18 at 6:36
  • ahh by the way, I've reconstructed the thesis statement. "In this essay, I will be arguing that overpopulation of urban areas has prompted various issues, such as prevalent famine and increasing numbers of unemployment.". How about this one? – Aroli Marcellinus Nov 8 '18 at 6:37

Your thesis statement should express the main idea of your paper. So if you're discussing problems and solutions, the thesis statement should include both the problems and the solutions.

The thesis statement should be specific. You've got that part down in your example: not "overpopulation may cause problems", but "overpopulation may cause famine and unemployment".

As @Cyn points out, "I will argue" is unnecessary - let the thesis statement stand on its own.

So, to use your example, your thesis statement could be along the lines of

Famine and unemployment caused by overpopulation may be prevented through government policies A, B, C.

For more information, look here, for example: the University of Illinois explanation about how to write a thesis statement. (Of the first five google results for 'thesis statement', I found this one the most comprehensive.)

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Pointing to some solution seems to be a key element in the thesis. So you should at least say you will be providing one. That will be short. Probably you may even include a key element of the solution. As is, "I will show that it may be mitigated {by doing so and so}"

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  • should I create another sentence with that? Since I thought that a thesis statement is a one-sentence statement. – Aroli Marcellinus Nov 8 '18 at 6:13
  • A thesis statement is one sentence, but it can be a compound sentence. I suggest you start with simpler statements such as ‘overpopulation is a major cause of famine and unemployment ‘ – Rasdashan Nov 8 '18 at 6:34
  • okay, so how about this one "Although overpopulation induce several problems such as famine and unemployment, governments and individuals can resolve these predicaments by encouraging the sex education from the early years and creating a policy such as tax increment for a family who have more than two children." – Aroli Marcellinus Nov 8 '18 at 8:14

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