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I am having a bit of a problem trying to substitute the words which and for without changing too much the meaning/flow of the sentence. I have tried the thesaurus, synonyms, etc with no luck.

I achieved a strong 2:1 in X at Y University and excelled in modules studied during my final year, for many of which I received a First. This included a Financial Analysis and Control module for which I attained a strong First (72%) for a financial performance analysis of the Z Company.

"A First" (UK Grade) is like an "A" in the United States; I know it can be kind of bizarre when reading if you're not used to it.

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  • Really going to town here, Standback.
    – temporary_user_name
    Jun 10, 2012 at 2:23
  • This is an older question. It's been bumped by the system because it's been retagged, as per this meta post.
    – Goodbye Stack Exchange
    Jun 11, 2012 at 1:37

2 Answers 2

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Will this do?

I achieved a strong 2:1 in X at Y University and excelled in modules studied during my final year, and received a First in many of them. They included a Financial Analysis and Control module in which I attained a strong First (72%) for a financial performance analysis of Company Z.

You basically have to rephrase to get rid of "whiches". Also, there is nothing wrong with using for which in moderation. I only removed one "which" because the second by itself was just fine.

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I like drɱ65 δ's advice for the first sentence. For the second, try:

In my Financial Analysis and Control module I attained a strong First (72%) for a financial performance analysis of the Z Company.

This not only removes the which, but also leaves the sentence with a stronger main verb--attained instead of the wimpier included.

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