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I am a non native speaker and now trying to write a script. How to improve it to make it better? I need to limit to 40 words.

I am XXX with ZZZ.com. We provide high quality consultant service at low price. If you are facing any research or engineering problem, don't hesitate to contact us. We look forward to working with you.

closed as too broad by Galastel, Digital Dracula, Philipp, Jason Bassford, JP Chapleau Sep 7 '18 at 17:04

Please edit the question to limit it to a specific problem with enough detail to identify an adequate answer. Avoid asking multiple distinct questions at once. See the How to Ask page for help clarifying this question. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

  • What is this 'script' going to get used for? On a business card? On a website? Spoken over the phone while cold-callling? – bukwyrm Sep 7 '18 at 7:31
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    Hi, and welcome to Writing Stack. As it stands, the question is too broad. Specify more details, so that you can get higher-quality answers, specific to your situation – Digital Dracula Sep 7 '18 at 7:40
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Since you are not a native speaker, I am not sure what you mean by "script". This looks like an ad for a business card or something.

As a general rule in written ads (I have written very successful ads for national venues), the first rule to remember is to NOT use "I", "We", "Our", etc. if you can avoid it. TRY to focus every line on the reader: "You" and "Your", or at minimum you and the reader together; e.g. "With our experts you can get your research and engineering projects back on track, and it won't be hard on your budget."

Speak directly to the reader, not indirectly, and try very hard to kill any line that is just you talking about yourself. Nobody cares about you! They care about themselves, and their problem, and that is all you talk about; whenever you need to say something about yourself or your firm, compound it with a benefit to them. e.g. "Call us today, we'll get together and find a plan to solve your problem."

Which is the second rule: Talk about their pain (whatever would drive them to use you) and benefits to them, what they get out of it.

Don't just say "We are great at X, Y and Z!"

In your script you are leaving the reader to try and imagine what the benefits are, and they won't. So metaphorically speaking, you don't say "I am a doctor that can cure X," say "Your X is curable, you can live a healthy and normal life again."

This approach works. Using your example,

I am XXX with ZZZ.com. We provide high quality consultant service at low price. If you are facing any research or engineering problem, don't hesitate to contact us. We look forward to working with you.

Here is my first draft of what I'd write (37 words):

If your research or engineering projects are falling behind, ZZZ.com can help you get them back on track without exploding your budget. Let us know what you need, you'll find relief here. Visit ZZZ.com, or contact XXX@ZZZ.com.

That leaves you three more words to tweak with. Notice the reader is the subject of every thought in this construction:

  1. Your research or engineering project
  2. ZZZ.com can help you*
  3. without exploding your budget
  4. Let us know what you need
  5. You'll find relief here.
  6. [You] Visit, or
  7. [You] Contact us.

Good luck.

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