Three characters, Alan, Bob, and Charlie.

Alan and Bob are talking in depth about Charlie, Bob says something about Charlie being off-the-charts, then Charlie makes a noise from fiddling with something on Bob's desk, causing Alan and Bob to jerk their heads towards him.

  • This looks like a "What should I write?" request, which are off-topic. Therefore I am voting to temporarily put this question on hold until you edit it to align with this sites guidelines. – Secespitus Mar 18 '18 at 9:30

Think about what you are trying to do here.

You want to write a story. You find that you don't know how to write a certain scene. So you ask on the internet how to write it.

Does that help you learn how to write? I think not.

The better approach would be to simply write the scene to the best of your ability. Then give it to some (impartial, i.e. not your friends or family) readers and ask the for feedback. (There are Facebook groups that offer mutual critique, and there are writers' groups in many towns.) Meanwhile let your story rest for at least three months and write another one or do something else.

When your test readers return their feedback to you, do not read that feedback, but first reread your story yourself. After having distanced yourself through the three-month hiatus, you now have a somewhat impartial view of your own story and will probably rather clearly see what worked and what didn't.

Now read the feedback. Where does critique coincide with the weaknesses you have already spotted yourself? Where do the critics agree? And where do they find fault in places that are perfect for you and what does that mean (they are the wrong demographic, their individual tastes differ, you didn't see a problem, etc.)?

Use this information to write your next story better.

If you still don't know how to write a scene like the one you asked about here, look at books by your favorite authors and analyse a scene that is similar to this one. How do the "masters" do it? Try to emulate them, or find your own style.

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