From this point forward – at least for the next half year – you may not use “thought” verbs. These include: Thinks, Knows, Understands, Realizes, Believes, Wants, Remembers, Imagines, Desires, and a hundred others you love to use.
My problem quickly became that because I am in first person, showing what a character thinks is weaker than saying what he thinks because we instantly loose the lens of the narrator.
Here is an example.
"What do you go by in this city?” I ask. My voice surprises me. I realize it has been a long time since I heard it, longer still without the rasp.
“Jack…” He says more than that but it is irrelevant, “What are you doing here?”
“You told me once that if I come to New York, you would present me before the Shepherds”
“You haven't killed anyone have you?
“No, I have just arrived in the city.”
“Good, good, I am happy you came straight to me…” Jack talks too much. He thinks every word is lonely and needs a dozen more to lead it into the battle of conversation. “You are very lucky. There is a meeting later tonight. Another will be added to the club. You will come and I will present you. All we need is to find something you can wear in public”
So here i am telling the reader how Jack thinks because I am trying to show that the narrator hates people that talk to much. Having Jack talk too much to the point of showing boredom would just bore the reader. Showing the narrator be irritated also seems less fun and I like how this punches up the reading.
I find similar situations any time I hit those words.
Does this have something to do with my point of view, or am I misunderstanding Palahniuk's suggestion?
[EDIT] I explained the quote due to the large amount of confusion on the speaker and the narrator. The last paragraph is still what's important to the question