Is it legitimate (acceptable) to use a 3rd person POV approach with the narration intentionally being a bit wobbly?
- I'm using an alternating 3rd person POV structure. One character (Let's call her Jane) refers to her mother (Aliana) as Mama. But I'm using the woman's name in the narrative, not "Mama." Example:
Jane said, “I wonder if there will be more puppies in this litter."
“We expect fewer.” The bluntness of Aliana’s statement was a punch to Jane’s gut.
“Fewer? Mama, puppies are the only thing worth living for!”
I could change Aliana in the second line to 'Mama,' but this quickly becomes tiresome to me as a reader. I'd rather use the name. I've heard conflicting advice here and am seeking some clarity.
- When another character enters a house for the first time, he can describe the paint color and the smell of something in the oven. That's clear character POV territory. But I'd like to add in commentary about what he is smelling, something like this:
...as though something was about to come out of the oven, but some might say the product never quite lived up to the promise.
He has no way to know that what he smells isn't going to be as good as he hopes, but I'd like to tuck this sort of thing in, anyway. It seems like a POV breach, but my instincts say this is OK.