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Our eyes are mysterious; driven lenses, full of exposure. The moonlight stood still in the face of adaptation. Looking forward, i saw growth. Her eyes were dull. Iris, like the flower. Her mustard colored skin made her different than all of us. Her haircut was crooked, but in an endearing light. She followed the paths I set out for her. Thin and glass-like, rooting from the ground. Her body followed the current of the ocean. As much as I was warned, i picked her from where she had begun. Fools, trampling over her memories. It was hard to believe she felt more than alive.

closed as off-topic by user16226, Daniel Cann, Lauren-Reinstate-Monica-Ipsum, ggiaquin16, Matthew Brown aka Lord Matt Jul 30 '17 at 13:27

This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:

  • "While questions that use your writing to illustrate a point in the question are fine, requests for writing critiques are off-topic here. For more information, see Does Writers.SE accept critique requests?" – Community, Daniel Cann, Lauren-Reinstate-Monica-Ipsum, ggiaquin16, Matthew Brown aka Lord Matt
If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

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    Hello and welcome to Writer's Stack Exchange. You'll find it's quite an useful and friendly place, but your question tends toward the "what-to-write" kind (or rather, "how to edit", in this particular case). Those questions are rarely useful for anyone but the original poster and therefore are to be avoided. Can you maybe rephrase it to make it more general, and maybe more clear, of what kind of help you need? – Reinstate Monica. Jul 29 '17 at 15:52
  • Requests for proofreading are not on-topic here. You might find more help at someplace like critiquecircle.com. – Lauren-Reinstate-Monica-Ipsum Jul 29 '17 at 16:15
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Copy-paste your work into online services such as the Hemingway app. It will suggest some changes for clarity. You can edit there and then copy-paste into another service and so on if you think you need more "eyes" on your work. Try to learn some general lessons in the process.

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