Are idioms in query letters a bad idea?

Question

I am writing a logline sentence of a query letter for my novel and used the idiom 'cat and mouse' as follows:

A military bioweapons collector is forced to engage in a game of ‘cat and mouse’ with his Russian counterpart as he seeks a cure for the epidemic he inadvertently created.

I was told it is a cliché and you shouldn't use idioms in query letters because they show lack of originality. The problem is, I cannot find a suitable synonym for 'cat and mouse game'.

Are ALL idioms really that bad? This one is very descriptive of a conflict that is an impasse despite all attempts at a resolution and the mouse occasionally wins. Is it preferable to spell out concepts like this even though a well-worn idiom like 'cat and mouse game' exists to communicate the concept quickly?

Answer 1

Writers often indulge a charming fantasy that publisher and agents are looking for originality. They are not. They are looking for works that fit into a well established sales channel and that habitual readers of a genre can quickly identify as the kind of book they like to read. Pretty much the worst thing you can do in a query letter is indulge in any kind or originality. This is about sales, and sales is all about established and reliable taste.

We might all wish be believe otherwise, but a moment's reflection will show it is so. Publishers and agents do this to make a living. They want things that they already know how to sell. Remember all the stories about how many publishers turned down Harry Potter? It was something they had not seen before (or not recently, at any rate) and did not easily fit any of the current sales channels. Publishers (and therefore agents) are not keen to take on that kind of risk. Brilliant and original often falls totally flat. Competent and familiar pays the rent.

What you need to establish in a query letter is that your book is something that the publisher or agent is going to be able to sell. "Cat and mouse game" is an idiom that seems to show up pretty frequently in the description of published thrillers. So that's a good sign that it works to sell books. Avid readers, the kind that keep publishers and agents in peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, are always looking for another fix of the same drug. They want the same, only different. But not so different that it is no longer the same. Sameness is not a vice, it is a virtue.

An agent or publisher looks at a query letter and asks themselves, is this a serious professional writer who can turn out decent books that meet the needs of a well established and profitable market? That's what your query letter needs to project. Originality has very little to do with it.

Answer 2

For me, the problem is that the cliche hides the originality of your story. That is, it obscures the unique delights that distinguish your cat and mouse game from every other.

Also "is forced" is pretty passive for a hero. Forced how? By whom?

What details make your cat and mouse game original? Put those details in the log line.

Yeah, I understand the challenge. I know log lines must be short. But don't summarize the life out of your story.

Consider removing any mention of the cat and mouse game:

When a military bioweapons collector inadvertently creates an epidemic, he must *your characters' unique way of trying and failing to resolve the impasse* with *your characters' unique relationship* Russian counterpart to save the world from *your story's unique disaster*.