Yes, I was breaking too many rules.
It's over a year later. I finished the book based on advice here, largely sticking to my original timeline and expected word count. The novel has been placed in a trunk. It was helpful to get to the end, to know I could do that, but in some ways it was also a gigantic waste of time. There were clear indicators that remained as true when I got to the end of the first draft as when I posted this question.
All readers felt really bad about the way the story ended. No one wanted a "and now for part 2" ending. And no one was satisfied with the down-note conclusion.
There was soooooo much content, especially disparate content, that it was unwieldy to plan an edit. I spent a few months trying to outline what a fix would look like and it was essentially would have been a novel re-write. So instead, I ended up taking what I learned (This is not how you write a book) and started a new project with tighter goals and a tighter structure.
One of the primary problems with the book was that the 3 POVs really were separate stories. 2 of the 3 might be salvageable as separate works with different endings. That's the good news, but I've lost my apatite to work on the project for now.
If you find yourself in a similar situation this is my answer:
If you have researched the writing process and have found that you have over committed to a story that is too large, back up and commit to a smaller story that is a segment of what you are writing. Writing without a plan, and having these types of questions early is an indicator that you may be reaching a point where you won't be content with the final product and it is worthy evaluating your objectives.
If you are writing to prove that you can write, by all means finish the story. I felt great finishing something. But I felt awful putting the work away. Went into a depressive slide for about 3 months that kept me from writing anything. That's my own personal issue, whatever. The point is, I'm the kind of person who has dealt with large projects in the past and knows when it's time to cut bate. For ME, I should have listened to that sense and tried to come up with a plan of action that got me where I actually wanted to be.
It's hard to know, still, that that would have been the correct choice. Its possible that only having finished and seen the end result did I end up here knowing what I know now. But, I've totally resolved to never start a book the same way and if you are writing and feeling this way; and you want to be a professional writer you can't wait a year to find out.
Diagnose the problems, make sure you're not getting stuck in swirl, and plot a chart forward to success. Do not fall for the sunk-cost fallacy that you must finish what you start. Finish only if you need that "i can finish feeling". Frankly, at 30,000 words, maybe I didn't know that. By 80,000 clearly I was in the realm of "publishable" word count and it was time for a re-evaluation.
Changing this to my answer because someone else can benefit from my hindsight and someone bumped this question. Might as well accept what I consider to be the best answer.