Internal dialogue with a quick thinking first person narrator

Question

I have seen this in visual media, but not really in written media so I am sort of at a loss as to how to proceed.

I am writing a first person narrative where the main character is almost constantly in his own head. In fact some 75% to 90% of the narrative is in the narrator's head if it isn't dialogue. And the narrator thinks a lot during conversation. Example:

"So what are you thinking about?" she asked.

And there it was. The loaded question. It was the question she always asked me during any lull in conversation. It always made me super uncomfortable and she knew that. Oh gods she's looking at me. Quick think of an answer.

"I love you." I said.

Hopefully this is a decent example of the dialogue. The idea is that it is entirely first person driven. My question is: how can I convey a narrator that questions himself constantly in conversation without breaking the flow of the dialogue? Do I interject the internal monologue in the middle of the dialogue or is there some other method that I am not realizing?

Note: the internal monologues are a device to convey the narrator's character and mental inclinations so it would be hard to get away from them entirely in the writing.

Answer 1

While it's not incorrect per se, as a reader I'd likely dislike your story.

The effect of so much internal monologue is a glacial pace of the actual story progression. Unless the internal monologue actually makes good revelations and discoveries, it will quickly develop into a story pacing problem. While the problem of perception of the pauses in the story world can be reduced with writing techniques, this does nothing about actual pauses this forces upon the reader in the real time, between they get to morsels of actual progression.

There are readers who like this style. But they are not numerous. Huge majority will just get bored.

And since this is simultaneously the narrator and the protagonist, and it's an inherent trait of his character, it's pretty much unavoidable in this combination. If I were you, I'd rethink that entire setup. You're just digging yourself into a hole and making your life as a writer unreasonably difficult, because getting this setup right, without boring majority of readers half to death, you'll have to expend extraordinary effort to make each paragraph worthwhile. "I have this, here, spoon, and this, here, field. And I want to plow it with this spoon. How can I do this most efficiently?" Get a goddamned plow instead!

Answer 2

I think your example portrays a person in a way we can relate to. Whether this internal monologue is fast or not may depend on who reads it and at what speed that happens, but you could use the reactions of the people involved to indicate that he doesn't linger before answering. You can also give him thoughts like "wow, it's like they have no idea how much I consider before answering their stupids question.. It's like time passes slower for them, since they don't notice."

Now, I don't know your character or the plot/theme and so on, so I have no idea if such a thought is suitable for your story, but there are many ways of saying something important indirectly. BTW I liked your example.