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I have a section which uses an onomatopoeia but I can write it in 2 ways

The onomatopoeia before source action is implied:

"you do realize that she's the personification of the tome. your processing your love for a inanimate object"

*SLAP!*

it was an instant response with total disregard to the possible repercussion, it was all Hayate could do short from wanting to ring Nevulis's neck "I won't have you talk about her like that. Reinforce is alive! could an inanimate object be the father of our daughter!"

The onomatopoeia after source action is implied:

"you do realize that she's the personification of the tome. your processing your love for a inanimate object"

Hayate's rage boiled over. without thinking, ignoring the possible repercussions from Nevulis her hand rose and...

*SLAP!*

"I won't have you talk about her like that. Reinforce is alive! could an inanimate object be the father of our daughter!"

In both cases it's implied that the slap has come from Hayate striking Nevulis in anger from her comment. I am wondering which is generally more accepted, the onomatopoeia coming before or after the source action is implied.

4

First, that is not an onomatopoeia. A slap does not sound like the word slap.

Second, this technique is ineffective either way. You can't turn up the volume in prose using caps and asterisks. Nor can you do sound effects. This is the page, not the screen. All words are read as the same speed and volume. To make any moment dramatic or surprising, you have to set it up properly.

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  • oh i thought "slap" was an onomatopoeia as well since it's sometimes used in western comics in those sound effects bubbles like "ka-boom" or "pow". or maybe i am mistaken that those are onomatopoeia – Memor-X Dec 20 '16 at 23:39
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    Kaboom is an onomatopoeia. Slap and pow are not. Word has to actually sound like the noise. – user16226 Dec 20 '16 at 23:44
  • @MarkBaker Pow is certainly an onomatopoeia. Slap is likely one as well: etymonline.com/word/slap – Tashus Feb 11 '19 at 21:49
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This isn't a comic strip, it's prose. Written this way, the slap seems cartoony. I'd much rather you describe the action than simply recite the sound it makes.

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