I feel like I'm using too many commas. I'm a pretty young writer and I didn't exactly pay attention in English class very often (I was too busy reading a shit load of books and passing with C+'s) and well now that I look back on it, I really should have paid attention during the ':;,' proper usage.
Excerpt from story:
“You need to drink this herbal tea” he said, handing her a stinking mug full of grossness.
“...Right” she said and drank the glass in one long pull. Then threw the mug at the wall.
“Don’t blame you. I’ve had that tea before...”
“What's your name, Magician”
“Gnarf the Wise”
“Your name is Gnarf?”
“Yours is Nu’nah, so you shouldn’t be talking”
They both broke into laughter. For Gnarf it was pleasant. For Nu’nah it was a pain filled movement that brought her to tears. Maybe he’ll think they’re tears of joy.
“You okay?” he said
“Y-yeah” she said, squeezing her eyes shut and willing to pain the recede. “Bucket?”
“Nah, im good” she said opening her eyes
Even he could see they were full of pain.
“You poor girl” he said, his voice full of sorrow
“Just stop that ‘you poor girl’ thing, i hate it” Nu’nah said angrily “It’s happened, nobody could’ve stopped it, so just keep your pity to yourself”
This is the first piece I've written and I would like to know what I'm doing wrong. Maybe I'm just critical about my work or something.