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This is an essay I excerpted from a writing course material.I need to omit uncessary words which make the essay wordy and longer than they should be..

The following is the original passage.

Every single time I had to do a writing assignment, I was always really unhappy and miserable. Due to my complete lack of confidence as well as my total inability to express ideas of mine on paper, I believed that I had to work almost twice as hard as any other student in this world. This included spending hours and hours looking at a blank page and spending more hours editing essays of mine, just to make sure I had really appropriate content, organization, and grammar. Since English was not my first language, I was concerned that I would not do so very well at the university. When I entered the class offered by College Writing, everything changed in a positive way due to the fact that my writing skills increased throughout the semester.

In the beginning of the semester, I had a lot of trouble with my first couple of essays; however, with careful analysis, patience, and my will to succeed, I started to write essays that I was quite proud of. I learned that if I could relate any topic of any essay with my personal experience, I believed that these essays were truly good, and would submit it to my instructor.


The following is the passage in which I omit words I think I don't need.

Every (single) time I had to do a writing assignment, I was always (really) (unhappy and) miserable. Due to my complete lack of confidence as well as my total inability to express ideas of mine on paper, (I believed that )I had to work almost twice as hard as any other student in this world. This included spending hours and hours looking at a blank page and spending more hours editing essays of mine, just to make sure I had really appropriate content, organization, and grammar. Since English was not my first language, I was concerned that I would not do (so very) well at the university. When I entered the class offered by College Writing, everything changed in a positive way due to the fact that my writing skills increased throughout the semester.

In the beginning of the semester, I had a lot of trouble with my first couple of essays; however, with careful analysis, patience, and my will to succeed, I started to write essays that I was quite proud of. I learned that if I could relate any topic of any essay with my personal experience, (I believed that) these essays were truly good, and would submit it to my instructor.


What can I do more so as to make it sound succinct

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  • I'm sorry, but on Writers.SE, requests for rephrasing and feedback on specific texts are off-topic. General questions about succinctness might be on-topic, but at least as currently written, this question is just getting specific edit suggestions for your one passage. Not very helpful to other writers, and not even very helpful to you beyond the one specific passage! – Standback Mar 30 '16 at 13:44
  • So I'm going to close this for the moment. If you (or anybody) has suggestions for rewriting the question to focus more on improving succinctness in general, I'd be happy to reopen. – Standback Mar 30 '16 at 13:46
  • Read Strunk & White. – Reed -SE is a Fish on Dry Land Apr 5 '16 at 21:36
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Well done on the first pass. There are a few other places where words can be omitted. If the option to add words (and punctuation) or otherwise restructure sentences is on the table, even more words can be omitted. However, since you didn't state that as an option, I present the following, further streamlined version:

Every time I had to do a writing assignment, I was always miserable. Due to my complete lack of confidence as well as my total inability to express ideas (of mine) on paper, I had to work (almost) twice as hard as any other student (in this world). This included spending hours (and hours) looking at a blank page and (spending) more hours editing (essays of mine), just to make sure I had (really) appropriate content, organization, and grammar. Since English was not my first language, I was concerned that I would not do (so very) well at the university. When I entered (the class offered by) College Writing, everything changed in a positive way due to the fact that my writing skills increased throughout the semester.

In the beginning (of the semester), I had a lot of trouble with my (first couple of) essays; however, with careful analysis, patience, and my will to succeed, I started to write essays that I was (quite) proud of. I learned that if I could relate any topic (of any essay) with my personal experience, these essays were truly good (, and would submit it to my instructor).

Most of what I've omitted is clear from the context of this essay. For example, there's no need to keep mentioning essays.

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I'd cut down on 'my's and 'I's, and consider using simpler terms (if you like how it sounds. I'd also suggest better sentence flow, especially avoiding repetition- e.g.

Due to my complete lack of confidence as well as my total inability to express ideas of mine on paper, I believed that I had to work almost twice as hard as any other student in this world.

becomes (note added comma, and 'the' for 'this' as well)

Due to a complete lack of confidence, as well as the inability to clearly express my ideas on paper, I believed that I had to work almost twice as hard as any other student in the world.

Hope this helps.

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Tips for streamlining:

  • Use the simplest tense
  • Remove repetition
  • Remove unnecessary adjectives

Every time I (had to do - not the simplest tense) did a writing assignment, I was (always - repetition of 'every time') miserable. Due to my (complete - unnecessary adjective) lack of confidence as well as my (total - adjective) inability to express ideas (of mine) on paper, I had to work (almost) twice as hard as any other student (in this world). This included spending hours (and hours - repetition) looking at a blank page and (spending - repetition) more hours editing essays (of mine), just to make sure I had (really) appropriate content, organization, and grammar. Since English was not my first language, I was concerned that I would not do well at the university. When I entered the class offered by College Writing, everything changed (in a positive way) due to the fact that my writing skills increased throughout the semester.

In the beginning of the semester, I had a lot of trouble with my first couple of essays; however, with careful analysis, patience, and my will to succeed, I started to write essays that I was quite proud of. I learned that if I could relate any topic (of any essay with) my personal experience, these essays were truly good(, and would submit it to my instructor).

Hope that helps and isn't overdone now!

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