I am about to apply to a grad school, and I have prepare the SOP for it (think it like a cover letter to apply to a job). I know the rule: show what I've got, not tell how I think I'm cool. I've tried, as best as I can, to stick to this rule. I must emphasize that again: as best as I can. However, the feedback on it is very negative.
The commenter has already disclaimed: that just a single opinion. However, based on the number of votes, I think that maybe my SOP is really presumptuous. I just want to convey an image of confidence. I always think my readers as an audience, waiting to be entertained. I want to impress them with my writing style, but it seems that not everyone will read it as I read it.
Maybe this is the cultural issue. When I write stuff in my own language (I'm an Asian), people tell me that I have a unique style (in positive manner) (of course I have never met someone who criticize my writing style).
Here is the example. What I write is:
Two linguists have read this work and left positive feedback. I plan to complete this work and publish it in a linguistics journal before going to grad school.
One suggestion is:
After incorporating feedback from two linguists, I hope to have this paper published.
Another one is:
Based on some positive feedback from two linguists who have been kind enough to review my work, I will continue my research and plan to pursue publication.
When extracting the line, I can feel "something", but I don't know what exactly it is. When reading my article as the whole, I cannot pick up other bad sentences.
So what is the fine line of "confidence" and "presumption"?