I am doing a lot of writing lately. Novels, short stories, and so forth.
I have one person that tells me,
Immense improvement from the first version.
A great deal of your description is dull... too many words to say something. The trouble is, some of these things need to be said.. but more forcefully and punchier. Drive the story don't let it amble along.
I'm not sure if you're trying to create natural speech... problem can be to use with care... too many unnecessary words take away the impact of what you're trying to say to he reader. You're telling a story and entertaining the reader at the same time. Imagine this on a movie screen. The movie would be more animated.
Then another person, whom I consider a mentor, and get advice from all the time, say's the following:
Is that true, the less words the better, or are sometimes more words better?
This is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. I am 100% against the whole condensing sentences rule. It affects the voice of the narrator. Character is by far the most important thing because that's what readers connect with the most. Sometimes voice doesn't work out, but that's not because "unnecessary" words are used.
Understand, though, that I am very much a literary writer, so I focus a great deal on word choice and the rhythm of a sentence. It's not a style everyone enjoys, so I always have people telling me to cut back on my wordiness (just check out my latest critter for #######). And, they are right... I could condense a lot of my sentences, but then Sophia wouldn't sound the same.
My suggestion to you on this is to find a style that you enjoy and stick with it despite what other critters say (including me). If you like condensing sentences, go right ahead and do so. I've found that I can enjoy any number of writing styles (and this is why I really don't focus on sentence structures unless they cause an issue in reading).
After doing a lot of reading online, I find mixed opinions.
Even DR. Seuss said,
"So the writer who breeds more words than he needs, is making a chore for the reader who reads." — Dr. Seuss
I aspire to be a great writer, and I want to learn and do what is best for my readers. However, I just want to know what people's thoughts are on condensing?