I am currently writing a scene for my novel. In this scene I will be revealing the primary villain for the entire first book. The villain, named Annihilus, has the power over the domain of life; he has warped this power into the control and manipulation of flesh.He can literally kill you with the flick of a finger or turn your organs into snakes. I wanted to show the sheer depth of his power by having him kill one of his followers, which had previously failed him in killing a main character. I wrote that he 'curled a single finger, and the man's arms began to twist and break. Then the finger curled more, and his back broke with a sickening series of cracks. Still, despite the screams and horrifying sounds echoing from the mans mouth, the God persisted, until he had created a fist, tightened by rage. The man became nothing more than a sphere of blood, smaller than the period at the end of this sentence.'
What do you guys think? Is that last bit too much? Do you think that it will take the reader from the story? Does it break the immersion?