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I almost drowned in the this ocean of tenses. Anyhow, did I make any mistake?

It was almost two, so I said goodnight to Mom and went back to my room. Once on my bed, I took the gold tooth out of its box and held it up to the ceiling light. My great-great-grandmother had died in her attempt to become immortal, just like many others throughout history. Emperors, dictators, merchants, scientists—they all drowned in the sea of their obsession. But let's say they achieved their goal and became immortal. What good would that have been? Qin Shi Huang would have continued enlisting slaves to build his crazy tomb; Hitler would have continued piling up Jews until making a mountain as tall as Mount Everest; My great-great-grandmother would have—well, I had no idea, but judging from her wackiness, surely nothing good.

And the question also applied to us: to become immortal? What for? To eat at McDonald's until cows went extinct? To buy clothes and electronics until our houses exploded? To fill the Earth with plastic bags, bottles, and metal junk until they flew to its orbit?

Should I have said:

But let's say they had achieved their goal

and ...

To eat at McDonald's until cows go extinct?

and ...

To buy clothes and electronics until our houses explode?

and finally:

To fill the Earth with plastic bags, bottles, and metal junk until they fly to its orbit?

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But, let's say they had achieved their goals, and all become immortal.

Quin Si Haung, continued enlisting slaves to build his crazy tomb. Hiltler, would have continued to pile up Jews, until making a mountain, as tall as, Mount Everest. My great, great, great grandmother, would have, well, I have no idea, but judging from her wackiness, surely nothing good.

And the question, also applies to us, to become immortal, for what? Just to eat at McDonald's until cows go extinct? Just to buy clothes or eletronics until our homes expode? All to fill the Earth with plastic bags, bottles, and metal junk, until thy fly into its orbit?

I'm not sure if all the 'bolding' I just did in my DoctoGo App transferred over and posted above, but at least I tried. My apologies if that portion is missing. Since I was retyping it, I went ahead and made a few minor changes. The above is just my opinion,

I hope the above helps, have a good Day!

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  • Can you please spell out what you're quoting and bold the punctuation you're adding? I'm having a hard time understanding what your thoughts are here.
    – Lauren-Clear-Monica-Ipsum
    Commented Feb 5, 2015 at 15:39
  • I can spell out my abbreviations; however, as I am using my iphone, that I know of, there isn't a way for me to add the bolded portion you're requesting. I'm working with what amounts to seeing one inch at a time of text and screen. I thought I was doing pretty well with my initial post. chuckles Give me a moment and let me see if I can cut/paste my reply.
    – Just a Thought
    Commented Feb 5, 2015 at 16:01
  • I think you missed a comma somewhere.
    – wyc
    Commented Feb 6, 2015 at 0:57
  • @JustaThought You can italicise text by enclosing it in single asterisks (*italic*) and boldface text with double asterisks (**bold**). I understand the difficulty of writing on a mobile phone. I often do the same, and if there are too many mistakes and too much markup missing, I edit my answers once I'm on my computer.
    – user5645
    Commented Feb 11, 2015 at 14:36
  • User has had almost a month to fix this mess. Delete it.
    – dmm
    Commented Mar 3, 2015 at 22:53
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had achieved their goal and become immortal

because you're talking about past efforts.

I think the second paragraph should be in subjunctive, which is what you put in your suggested corrections. The narrator is positing a hypothetical future, not a real or hypothetical past.

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