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In this Video, the girl, Seth, at 0:35 transforms and her voice changed along with her transformation.

I am trying to describe something similar, the physical change i can describe just fine however i also want to describe the sudden change in the voice, this is what i have at the moment

"Suzuka?" Fate questioned. she had all reason to suspect, the Suzuka standing there had far paler skin, her yes glowed a deep crimson red and her nails turned a deep purple grew to be like claws. All of this acompanied by the pair of raven like wings sprouting from back which were as large as she was

"What the hell!" Levi said, shocked that a mere human with no protective gear or magic could survive Seikou's attack

"Fools, you dare enter this town, start trouble and attack my friends without gather information, ON WHAT DENIZENS DWELL HERE" Suzuka responded, her voice __________________

how can i describe the change in the voice similar to what was in the video

NOTE: i did not que the video as there is a gap between Seth talking normally and her talking in her Crusnik form

  • If the vocal change indicating a persona change first occurs here, then instead of telling about the voice, showing it would be stronger. For example, through how people responded, changes in her appearance, or depending on its power, how it affected other things around (vibrating glasses, etc.) Then afterwards, you can quantify the voice by referencing the alternate persona as you do here with "Crusnik form." – Sylas Seabrook Nov 12 '14 at 6:55
  • @JeremyMiller well the character, Suzuka, is just taking on a form which supports the abilities she uses, her personality is the exact same (i assuming by persona you mean personality, correct me if I am mistaken). Suzuka isn't becoming a Crusnik, that's just the anime I'm using as an example, Seth's voice change is just the perfect example of what's in my head when I imagine the scene I'm writing play out. At the current point in the story the cast who sees Suzuka change don't know what's happened its some time after she explains what happened – Memor-X Nov 12 '14 at 8:53
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Since it will be too long for a comment, I'll put as an answer.

She isn't the same personality, Suzuka. She's in the role of a Crusnik, a powerful being different from her non-Crusnik personality (which was more timid).

In the video, though, you see that before we hear her voice, the male character displays shock; he is being overcome with a freezing "spell"; his fear is evident; her body then changes from relaxed and submissive to standing firm and commanding, confident; lights show behind her; and then, after all of that is shown, her voice takes on an ethereal tone which reverberates throughout the area.

That it was I meant by showing. Simply saying,

"Fools, you dare enter this town, start trouble and attack my friends without gather information, ON WHAT DENIZENS DWELL HERE" Suzuka responded, her voice taking on an ethereal quality, reverberating across the land.

does not carry the same weight. And, as an aside, whenever a writer switches to typing in all caps (the standard for screaming), I always read into it that they are screaming that they lack the means of showing me what they are trying to convey.

No, I do not know writing from the genre you are in, but consider the difference in this re-write:

Her crimson eyes glowed. Fate watched as her hands turned to claws, the nails turning a deep purple. Raven wings burst from her back, unfolding to be twice her size. Fate took a step back, "Suzuka?"

Shock took hold of Levi -- a human; a human with no protective gear, much less magic surviving Seikou's attack? "What the hell!" he said, breaking free of the shock for a moment.

Suzuka turned her head upward to face them. The moment she spoke in that voice, that voice from another world, Fate had been answered, Levi had been answered. Her voice as powerful as her presence, Suzuka said, "You dare enter this town? You bring trouble and attack my friends. What fools you are. Did you not think to gather information on what denizens dwell here?"

I am sure there are many, many others here who could have done that far better than I. My goal was to show the scene more than to tell it. Through the responses of others and the description of the transformation, so that mentioning the voice as merely "that voice from another world" provided a sufficient description. In fact, "her voice as powerful as her presence" is meaningless unless we can already "see" her presence, hopefully even "feel" that presence.

Again, others could do much better, but I hope that conveys the intended point.

  • Just to clarify some stuff, this is Suzuka, the girl in the video is Seth. i am not writing about Seth. i'll take you advice on board but i can't use your second quote directly as a) Levi is a girl and b) Fate can take a step back because she's on the ground paralyzed from an attack, though this occurs before what i quoted and i didn't want to include more than i needed to. if it's really necessary for me to post more of the scene i will – Memor-X Nov 12 '14 at 22:21
  • If you've got the point, then no need. I was clearly confused about everyone's roles, but hoped I was communicating the idea. – Sylas Seabrook Nov 12 '14 at 23:59

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