Well, of course this is a bit subjective, because there is always someone who likes a particular style. Although, it may only be the author's mother. :D
However, if you are interested in common expectations in the publication world, then you most likely want to check out a book like the wonderful The First 5 Pages, by Noah Lukeman -- amazon.com link.
It gives you a great idea in a short package about what makes fiction writing very good.
Here are a few other tips.
Show Don't Tell
He felt sad that he had been rejected by the beautiful woman.
Stanley looked up at the beautiful red-head standing in front of him.
"Would...would...would you like to go out for a drink, Margaret?"
Margaret wrinkled her nose as if she smelled something bad. "Uh,
you're just not my type, Stanley." She scurried over to the office
printer and made herself look busy.
Stanley let his shoulders fall and he slouched over as he scuffled back to his desk. He sat down in his
chair and dropped his head to his desk and sniffed as a tear formed in
Use more exposition -- describing things as they happen in front of the reader
than you use narrative -- telling the reader what happened.
For more details, you can also check out Fiction Writing Gems at amazon.com I've taken numerous published books, broken them down and explained why they do and do not work.