I won't write the exact story you are talking about but here's a sample with multiple characters and different viewpoint and a possible way of handling the situation. See what you think.
John opened the door and Mr. Maruzzi walked in followed by Lenny.
John stared at Lenny too long as he thought about how much he looked
like a huge gorilla stuffed into an expensive suit.
"What," Lenny said.
"That's a really nice suit," John said. "Where'd you get it?"
"Thanks. Picked it up at - "
"Enough. We ain't here to talk about no suit," Mr. Maruzzi said.
"Where's Diego? The kid with you?"
John motioned toward the room down the hall. "He's getting his
"So you're both, here, right," Maruzzi asked.
John wanted to say something along the lines of 'Captain Obvious', but
then thought about Maruzzi and looked up at Lenny and thought better
of it. "Yeah, he'll be out." Then he yelled down the hall, "Diego, we
The door at the end of the hallway opened and Diego stepped out.
Maruzzi said, "Now" and Lenny pulled out large pistol and waved it at
"Be so kind as to take a seat in here with us, all right, kid,"
Maruzzi said. Then he pointed at John, "Take a seat. We are going
to have us a discussion."
Diego walked in and sat down on the couch.
John sat down next to him. He looked at the coffee table where a pack
of Marlboro cigarettes lay. He nodded his head toward them. "Mind if
I smoke while we talk."
"Suit yourself," Maruzzi said.
John picked up the pack, lit one and drew in the smoke, trying to stay
"What's up," Diego asked. "Is there a problem."
"There is a problem, kid," Maruzzi said. "I need to know where the
John took another long drag on the cigarette. "We have it hidden to
insure our safety."
"Well, you see," Maruzzi said and looked at Lenny. "It's just that
Lenny gets a little nervious. He starts thinking maybe you guys ain't
even got the money."
"We've got the money," John said.
"Tell me where it is then," Maruzzi said.
"I can tell -", Diego said.
"Shut up, kid," John said. "Are you an idiot? You tell them where it
is and we're dead." Lenny grabbed John by the neck and pressed the gun
barrel into his cheek.
"As you can see Lenny is ready to terminate our little contract,"
Maruzzi said. "I suggest you shut up while Diego tells us where the
"Uh, I..." Diego stuttered.
"A little shy, Diego? Tell you what. Lenny will take you into the
other room and have a conversation with you privately." Maruzzi
pulled out his own pistol and pointed at John. "I'll keep an eye on
him, while you do your work, Lenny."
Lenny pushed John down to the floor and grabbed Diego and shoved him
toward the room down the hallway.
"Now, he goes to work," Maruzzi said.
John's eyes flashed toward the fire escape as he thought about a way
Maruzzi saw him and adjusted his aim. "Don't even think about making
a break. I'm good shot. I'm always down at the range practicing."
John heard the Diego's screams as Lenny went to work on him. It
wouldn't be much longer and the kid would talk or he would be
unconscious or worse and it would be his turn for the torture.
You could now switch the scene to Diego and Lenny right here. You really don't want to flip to the other character's viewpoint without
actually switching scenes. Otherwise readers may get confused about whose story it really is.
Lenny grabbed John's right hand and pulled on the thumb. John
screamed and he heard a loud snap and knew his thumb was broken.
Lenny let go and the thumb dangled. Diego stared the thumb and
thought he should just tell them where the money was, but didn't know
if they would kill him anyway.
John saw Diego opening his mouth and he said, "Tell them nothing."
Lenny grabbed Diego pulled him into a bear hug, crushing him. Diego's
eyes floated back and Maruzzi saw the whites of his eyes. "Easy, you
oaf," Maruzzi yelled. "If you knock him out we won't get any
information from him."
John's eyes flickered toward the fire escape and a plan formed.
"Okay," he said. "I'll tell you where the money is. It's right here
in this apartment."
"Where is it," Maruzzi said and punched John in the stomach.
John doubled over and fell to the floor. "Its..." John coughed and
couldn't speak. He felt like he was suffocating. Terror filled his
"Hurry up, you idiot," Maruzzi yelled. He pulled the trigger back on
the gun and pressed the gun barrel into John's temple.
"It's on the fire escape, but it's hidden. I'll show you."
Diego didn't know what John was talking about. The money wasn't
here. He thought John had gone crazy.
This will probably confuse your readers and possibly annoy them as you switch around inside different characters heads.