Describing people in a book that is first person

Question

I am writing a novel that is in present tense. I'm worried I'm going back and forth from present to past tense when I describe the physical characteristics of people my main character meets. Here are a few passages as an example.

The sounds of feet trudging through the dense undergrowth grow nearer to my fortress. I freeze, all I can hear is my heart thumping in my ears. I bite down to stifle any involuntary sounds of fear and taste blood from my lip. As they get closer, I realize whoever it is must be coming into the house. I slowly sit up and begin to crawl toward the ajar doorway in the south. I can hear voices talking quietly. I climb out of the doorway and behind a wall, out of sight yet close enough to make out their conversation.

The men came around the corner, blades at the ready. When they spotted me, both their faces lightened slightly. The younger one appeared to be in his 20s, chestnut hair curling in the damp warmth of the morning. Dressed in a kilt of blue, green, and red with a white shirt more like a rag than something to be worn. He had a slender face with a strong jawline and high cheekbones. Although his expressions were guarded, a slight smile flashed along his lips, and I could see the pity in his bright blue eyes as he looked upon me in my rags. The older man was less attractive than his counterpart. Maybe they are father and son, I thought. His hair was also chestnut but peppered with gray. He had it tied up in a braid. Little pieces of it lose around his rather round face. His eyes were a similar shape to that of his doe-eyed partner, but they were filled with more wisdom. Instead of blue, they glowed amber in the morning light. His skin was tan compared to his light eyes. The younger man had a near perfect complexion, whereas this man had wrinkles and looked as if he carried the whole world on his back. This man’s facial expressions are much less guarded, and I see a look in his eyes I’m all too familiar with.

Forgive me for grammar errors, this is a first draft and I have never written before. I just want to be sure I am not screwing up my tenses.

Also, if I am changing tense, how do I adjust and describe them in present tense?

Answer 1

Changing tenses is kind of an advanced technique. There are several ways that it is ok to use it.

You might, for example, tell your story in present tense (I run and hide, I can barely see, ...) but pause at times for flashbacks.

The river reminds me ... when I was young, there was a river near our house. One day, my father told me ....

Modesitt has a book or two told from two different points of view, one set of chapters in present tense and the other in past, though we know they are happening at the same time in very different places. The reader figures that out quickly enough.

And of course you can always have the occasional past sentence in the midst of a lot of present.

I climb the stairs to my room and lie down, stiffly. I reach for the book and start to read. Dad gave me this book so long ago, before any of us could have imagined all this happening.

The snippet you've included in your question doesn't seem to fit any of these uses. You just have a present tense paragraph followed by a past tense one for no reason. It's the same people, same place, same moment in time. All I can see is that describing these people you're not hiding from after all is less exciting than the first paragraph. But that's not a reason to change tense. I'd make both of those the same.

Answer 2

What would your point of view character notice? How would your point of view character describe them?

Remember to keep this consistent -- not necessarily the same, but consistent with the characterization. The lady in waiting who can see the least detail of her rival's appearance may think all the maids look the same.

Answer 3

You would not change tense for the descriptive passages. So, e.g.,

The younger one appeared to be in his 20s, chestnut hair curling in the damp warmth of the morning.

Should be:

The younger one appears to be in his 20s, chestnut hair curling in the damp warmth of the morning.

On the other hand you have

Dressed in a kilt of blue, green, and red with a white shirt more like a rag than something to be worn.

This is a sentence fragment. There is no verb here and if you leave it as a fragment, it doesn't need a change since there is an implicit subject and verb so that the sentence could be read as:

He is dressed in a kilt of blue, green, and red with a white shirt more like a rag than something to be worn.

But in general, there should be no tense changes here. The main reason for a tense change is to describe action taking place at a different time than the main narrative, e.g.,

I stop to catch my breath. I ran up the stairs too fast.

Where the first sentence is present tense because it's the main action and the second sentence is in past tense because it describes something that happened just before the main action.

If the main narrative were in past tense, then preceding action would be written in pluperfect (“had done”), e.g.

I stopped to catch my breath I had run up the stairs too fast.