Timeline for Can this statement be simplified, and is it effective?
Current License: CC BY-SA 3.0
2 events
| when toggle format | what | by | license | comment | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Dec 12, 2013 at 21:10 | comment | added | Snowman | Thanks for your feedback. I would upvote but I don't have enough reputation. You've made some valid points. I am struggling with the part about removing 'I'. It makes it feel impersonal. "And use words just learnt yesterday" - who has done the learning? "For I have thought" vs "have been of the thought": I wanted to say that I have been under a false state of mind, not just thought, but that my whole consciousness has been subsumed by this thought. Lastly, alight could mean "to settle", and I therefore settled from say one place to another. I feel this can be correct, no? | |
| Dec 12, 2013 at 21:00 | history | answered | Lazarus | CC BY-SA 3.0 |