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The small details I completely dropped, such as closing and locking the driver's door, were sacrificed on the altar of pacing. The reader probably won't miss it because we see him buckling up and starting the engine. Why? The door would have been shut out of habit sometime between sitting down and starting the engine, no problem. Locking the door is such an insignificant plot detail that to emphasizeinclude it would probably call undue attention to it-- people may assume it is an instance of Checkhov's gun and expect it to become relevant when they get carjacked at the next stoplight.

The small details I completely dropped, such as closing and locking the driver's door, were sacrificed on the altar of pacing. The reader probably won't miss it because we see him buckling up and starting the engine. Why? The door would have been shut out of habit sometime between sitting down and starting the engine, no problem. Locking the door is such an insignificant plot detail that to emphasize it would probably call undue attention to it-- people may assume it is an instance of Checkhov's gun and expect it to become relevant when they get carjacked at the next stoplight.

The small details I completely dropped, such as closing and locking the driver's door, were sacrificed on the altar of pacing. The reader probably won't miss it because we see him buckling up and starting the engine. Why? The door would have been shut out of habit sometime between sitting down and starting the engine, no problem. Locking the door is such an insignificant plot detail that to include it would probably call undue attention to it-- people may assume it is an instance of Checkhov's gun and expect it to become relevant when they get carjacked at the next stoplight.

formatting
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wordsworth
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There are a number of related questions on the use of dialogue tags and pauses in passages of speech you can look through for more information, such as How do we handle pauses in a dialogue!.

The problem that jumps out to me is that dialogue tags and actions take time to read and therefore serve as the pauses between spoken lines. If there's too much action, it causes a delay in the conversational rhythm.

There are a number of related questions on the use of dialogue tags and pauses in passages of speech you can look through for more information, such as How do we handle pauses in a dialogue! The problem that jumps out to me is that dialogue tags and actions take time to read and therefore serve as the pauses between spoken lines. If there's too much action, it causes a delay in the conversational rhythm.

There are a number of related questions on the use of dialogue tags and pauses in passages of speech you can look through for more information, such as How do we handle pauses in a dialogue.

The problem that jumps out to me is that dialogue tags and actions take time to read and therefore serve as the pauses between spoken lines. If there's too much action, it causes a delay in the conversational rhythm.

added last paragraph
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Now the pacing is better, but I think the actual mechanics of getting into the car are still tedious. If they're not important to the plot or the characters, try to replace them with something that is, or drop them altogether. Sam walking around the car takes up the time he needs to ponder, but you could just as easily fill it with Robert's observation of the bobble-headed Ganesha figurine that Sam has attached to the dashboard.

Now the pacing is better, but I think the actual mechanics of getting into the car are still tedious. If they're not important to the plot or the characters, try to replace them with something that is, or drop them altogether. Sam walking around the car takes up the time he needs to ponder, but you could just as easily fill it with Robert's observation of the bobble-headed Ganesha figurine that Sam has attached to the dashboard.

added passenger
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moved note away from passage to preserve flow
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replaced should with can
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added explanation for scene edits
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fixed word choice
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added suggested edits
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